I'm Moving to Wordpress

Assalamua'alikum everyone,

I've decided to move my blog to wordpress in order to organize my thoughts and ramblings better.

Follow me on www.sabirahm.wordpress.com.

Hope to see you there!

Sabirah M

Mecca After Fifteen Years

Alhamdulillah, I was given the blessed opportunity to visit Mecca mukarramah and perform umrah twice.  My uncle lives in Jeddah and drives into Mecca whenever the family has time, Masha'Allah.  Alhamdulillah, that made my trip much easier and relaxed.

Mecca After Fifteen Years

I had been on umrah when I was ten years old and I couldn't imagine the changes that have taken place since then.  Anxious, excited, and nervous...I could not wait to get there.

My heart began to sink as we passed through the check points along the outskirts.  The first thing you see from miles away is the big clock tower and the hotels surrounding it, while all your heart desires is a glimpse of the haram.

My aunt and cousins began to point out the houses that were lined up along the roads intertwining their way to the haram. 

They told me they were described by the Saudis as the most dangerous areas, ghettos, and homes of the illegal immigrants. 

Signs of poverty  marked the area all around; garbage thrown along the streets and sidewalks, abandoned buildings, graffiti on the walls, and solemn brick and concrete homes layered along the mountain sides.

Crawling through traffic near the haram, the minarets began to poke out between the buildings.  My heart began to beat faster with excitement. 

Surely, the area around the haram is clean and perfect! 

My eyes began to tear up at the sight of garbage along the sides of the roads and the graffiti all over.  Standing in front of the haram, a dark shadow loomed all over from the detested clock tower and its neighbors.  The markets were now replaced with H&M, Starbucks, etc.

How could they get rid of the traditional markets that gave you a glimpse of the past...what it would have been like during the time of the Prophet (saw).

The markets I did remember were pushed back by the malls and over-priced unaffordable hotels into the side roads.  They were overcrowded, filthy, and difficult to get to.

Walking into the haram, I felt my footsteps get heavier.  I cannot explain the hundreds of emotions exploding inside of me.  It was as if I had been separated from someone I deeply loved for years and now I would be reunited. 

When my eyes laid on the Kaabah, it was as if my heart stopped and everything in the world had frozen.  I couldn't hold back the tears.  Nothing can ever explain the feelings and thoughts when seeing the Kaabah.  Nothing can explain the sadness one feels when leaving it. 

Whatever the state may be of the area around, the beauty of the Kaabah can never be taken away.

Friendship You Can Never Get Back

Assalamu'alaikum,

Today I got an e-mail from one of my childhood friends.  There were times we grew apart, times we were convinced we'd kill each other, times we lost touch, and times we were inseparable.  Yet in some weird way, we were always best of friends.  We always knew we could call each other even if we hadn't called for months.  I have four or five friendships that fall under this category and we kind of have our own little group.  I like to call them my sisters...and not to be corny...but really because we have the love and bond of sisters and at the same time we can also tear each others hair out like sisters.  The group expanded as we moved away from one another and branched out into our own lives.  Parts of it broke off from silly teenage drama.  Nonetheless, the core group of friends always remained intact. 

Anyways, there was one thing she said that seemed out of place and stood out from the rest of the e-mail.  It was something that we all knew but never really talked about.  She wrote, "We always clicked...I have never made a friend like you anywhere else."  I also know that includes the rest of the girls...not just me...but being thousands of miles away from them...it really hit home.

We met around the time when I was in Pre-K.  We started off in the same town and gradually our parents took us our separate ways.  We went to completely different high schools and colleges far apart.  We grew up to become unique people with few similarities.  Somehow through Allah (swt) and technology (AIM)...we managed to make it through all that.  We made tons of freinds...lost most of them...and we always ended back together.  It almost sounds like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants...except it was different in a way.

After marriage, I felt a distance form between all of us that I really thought this time it was it.  We wouldn't be able to go back to normal.  Heck...one of the girls turned Shia(not that I have anything against them...she just separated herself a little more b/c of it), the second one hated that I married an Arab, the third one married someone who took her away to lala land, and the fourth one just hated that we were all married and she wasn't.  Adding to all that...I moved across the world.

Surprisingly...Allah (swt) showed us a different plan.  I talk to them more now...than I did when I first got married.  All the other people that I thought I had grown so close to...people that I thought understood me in ways that my original group couldn't...they were the ones that let that distance separate us.  My sisters were the ones that bought webcams so we could skype, that e-mail me, that take the time out to look at all my pictures and comment on each one.  They are the ones that calculate the time difference...and wait for me to talk.  I love them and I never want to lose what I have with them...and I am so glad that we didn't let all the things working against us separate us.  I have tried so hard to make friends like that wherever I go...and I have never been able to form bonds like the one me and my sisters have.

So if you have a friend like that and there may be some distance creeping up between the two of you...crush it now...and don't let it grow.  There are some friendships that you can never replace.

Quick Meal: Chicken Shawerma

Assalamu'alaikum everyone,

My husband is traveling from Sunday to Wednseday during the week because of work.  I hate cooking for myself!  I only cook large meals when he is here and live off of snacks and sandwiches when he isn't here.  Here's a quick meal that you can leave to marinate in the kitchen and cook any time during the week.

Here is a video of the recipe courtesy of http://www.dedemed.com/ (I love her!).

Purifying the Soul through Hardships

Assalamu'alaikum,

So as you know, Subhanallah, I have been facing a serious test with my mother-in-law as described in detail in my previous post.  I just wanted to clarify that my blog is kind of a secret blog that none of my friends and family are aware of.  I needed a place to vent out my frustrations, express myself, and do it with the freedom of knowing that no one knows who I am.

Anyways, I am the type of person that easily forgives and tries my best to forget.  Usually, I only forget awful things said and done after the person has come to me and apologized or had shown regret for what they have done.  One thing I have a very difficult time forgetting is slander against me.  I am the type of person that realizes what I have done wrong and I ask for forgiveness right away (most of the time when I am aware/become aware of it).  Unfortunately, people aren't as forgiving as I would hope they would be...but I always tell myself that if I want people to forgive me for my faults...I need to forgive them for theirs. 

Well, I want to try to forgive everyone...whether they have come to me with an apology or have not shown any regret.  It is not my problem...it is on the person.  I do not want the evil of resentment, anger, and hatred to fester in my heart.  In order to help me do this, I have been trying to focus on Islam.  The lectures I attend are given by a well-educated Muslim woman, an engineer, a home-maker, a mother, a wife, and a daughter.  The reason I love her is because she talks about and mentions emotions.  She mentions situations, feelings, and thoughts that every woman can relate to.  Each woman in the room always comes out saying they feel as if she knows them better than they know themselves, Subhanallah.

I feel like Allah (swt) has been blessing me by bringing these opportunities to learn, to grow, and to find ease.  Well, just yesterday I was reading a post about this woman my friends kept mentioning.  They put up beautiful quotes she had said in lectures or articles.  I googled her and found a bunch of articles, but then I checked videos and Subhanallah, I found a video on hardships.  Wow, this was exactly what I needed.  She discusses how hardships can be either blessings or punishments.  The best part was her explanation that hardships in the form of blessings purify our souls.  When we go back to Allah (swt), we need to go back with pure hearts and souls.  Hardships in our lives are what purify us and bring us to the state we need to be in (Insha'Allah).  She also used a beautiful quote from Rumi...which I will not mention so you can watch it for yourself! 

What did I do wrong?

Assalamu'alaikum,

These past few weeks I have been on a spiritual high that has made me content with my life, overall, Alhamdulillah.  It has been easier to deal with the difficulties in my life and a kind of calm has replaced the worrying and negative thoughts, Alhamdulillah.  Of course, this new found patience was to be tested.

About four days ago, I attended a lecture on good manners and good character in Islam.  It was an inspiring and humbling experience.  For two hours, I was writing furiously to catch every word in order to capture the beauty of the stories and the lessons.  Afterwards, I sat for hours typing up my notes.  I searched for each hadith that was mentioned and I found each ayah with the translation.  Alhamdullilah, it was a task I truly enjoyed because I was able to take out time to appreciate the ahadith and ayaat on this topic.  I wrote back home to all of my friends and family about the organization that gives these amazing lectures and how it has helped me settle into my new life here.  I can never put into words what these classes have truly done for me.  I thought sending my friends and family these notes would be a great way to show them what I get to experience on a daily basis.  I thought it would be a wonderful reminder and a gift of knowledge.

I sent it to all of my friends and family.  I usually send out forwards in BCC, in order to make sure I don't share people's e-mail addresses with others.  Alhamdulillah, while my husband and I were out to dinner he received an e-mail from his mother.  It was in response to my e-mail and was sent to the both of us and read, "Make sure you read it properly yourselves!!!!"  That was all she wrote.  Since we have moved here about five months ago, she has not responded to one of our e-mails, she has not picked up any of our calls, nor has she ever tried to return the calls.  Alhamdulillah.  Through these classes, I was able to resolve many issues and the pain that I felt about our strained relationship with her.

Well, my husband gave me an angry glare making me feel as if I had done something to make matters worse between them.  Alhamdulillah, he came to his senses and realized his mother misunderstood.  She thought I sent the e-mail to her alone...trying to send an indirect message.  Subhanallah.  Such a simple action meant to do good can be twisted in such a way.  I was sorry that she felt the way she did, but I also was shocked that she would think I was that kind of person.  I have never done anything to make her think that I could be so disrespectful or rude.  My husband saw how upset I was and he asked me to stay out of it.  He e-mailed her a short response letting her know I had sent it to everyone and it was a misunderstanding.  The next day, I wrote an e-mail out to all of the recipients of the original email, including his mother.  I mentioned that I wanted to add where the notes came from, my intentions for sharing them, and why I BCC'd it.  It was a general note that I thought would help her see that I sent it out to a bunch of people with the intention of spreading knowledge and as a reminder for us all.

Last night, my husband having just gotten off his flight to his next destination for work....received another e-mail.  I guess this one was more aggressive and as he said "nasty"...but of course...he would not share it with me.  Surprisingly, she did not include me on this one.  I figured he didn't want to make me more upset and emotional by seeing the flowery things his mother must have written about me.  All in all, he just told me that she does not believe I sent it to everyone else and he would like me to take a screen shot of my original e-mail to prove my innocence to her.  I found it so incredibly childish and disrespectful. 

First, she accuses me of sending indirect messages as if I'm an evil human being!  Does she not think that I fear Allah (swt)?  Does she really think I could be such an awful person...that I would use the lessons from Islam and the words of Allah (swt) in such a way?  And now...she is accusing me of being a liar!  It upset me that I had to go through such lengths to prove myself. 

Nonetheless, I told myself to be patient, I took the screen shot, and sent it to him for it to be sent to his mother.  I told him that I would always be kind and gracious to his mother, despite the way she is treating me.  However, Allah (swt) knows best my intentions and after this I am done with this conversation.  What I did...I did for Allah (swt) and for the reward associated with spreading His (swt) knowledge.  I do not have to prove myself to anyone but Allah (swt).  I will not subject myself to more disrespect and allow her to make me feel like I have done something wrong.  These are her own issues and her own negative thoughts she will have to deal with.  I have given her the proof and there is no more that I can do.  And with that...I went to bed. 

I was initially so upset with what happened, but Alhamdulillah I have come to realize that she has burned many bridges with others in the past.  It is not me...it is her.  Do you guys think I can do anything else to ease the situation?

Praying Istikhara

Assalamu'alaikum,


Last night I was talking to a friend of mine that had to choose between tenants for an apartment she is renting out.  I told her to make istikhara and she thought it was only done for serious issues such as marriage.  I have noticed the topic of istikhara is widely misinterpreted with many Muslims.  The best thing I have learned from a lecture from some shaikh (my memory fails me when, where, and which shaikh...I know that's not good) is that istikhara is for any decision you need to make or any step you want to take in your life.  The point of istikhara is to show that you put your reliance in Allah swt, you are asking Him swt to help you, and lastly whatever does happen (Insha'Allah) will have barakah in it. 


And then there's the question about the dream.  Are you going to see beautiful serene dreams or nightmares?  This Shaikh (I think it was Shaikh Yasir Qadhi) said it isn't about the dream.  You may have a dream...you may not.  Your dream may even be influenced by the Shaitan, Allahualim.  He made a great point.  He said when you pray istikhara, you are asking Allah swt to bring you towards the decision that is good for you and to protect you from that which is bad.  Basically, after the prayer Allah swt will make the good decision easier and it will start falling into place.


If we really look into our lives we may be able to pinpoint those moments.  The most recent thing on my mind is this job that I applied to.  It really sounded perfect...almost too perfect.  It allowed me to work from home, I could travel with my husband, and I could follow my passion (teaching).  I prayed istikhara and my interviews went great, Subhanallah.  Okay this is a good sign.  Well, the interviewer said she'd let me know by that week.  I didn't hear back until a week and a half later.  Finally, she e-mailed me to say they would like me to come in for a third interview.  First, they had me fill out an online interview questionnaire, then take a test for an hour, an interview over the phone, and then a face to face interview.  This much work and I'm not applying to some big shot corporate firm...that's just ridiculous!  I said yes and waited to find out when and where.  Another week goes by and by now I am getting pretty annoyed.  Subhanallah, the woman e-mails me yesterday to say that they are changing the part-time position I applied for into full-time.  I already told her I couldn't commit to full-time and we had agreed on it before I even did all these things.  I think Allah swt may be trying to tell me I shouldn't commit.


My husband had the opposite experience.  He had everything going against him at first.  He didn't have time to review case studies and prepare for the interviews because he was so busy at work.  He was applying to a firm that usually only hired ivy league graduates.  He prayed istikhara.  Subhanallah, when he got there...he forgot a pen and only realized it when he got to the waiting room.  Subhanallah, all of a sudden a pen that was on the ground caught his attention and he picked it up.  He walked into the interview and he could tell he wasn't amazing, but that the interviewers liked him.  He felt like they were trying to give him chances.  After the three rounds were over, he goes back to the hotel to find a message that the interviewer would like to talk to him one more time.  They tell him not to worry and ask why he's nervous..etc.  He gets to the airport to come home that same day and thinks he doesn't have the job.  He gets a phone call right before boarding that he has the job with the contract of his dreams, Subhanallah. 


When you think all odds are against you, it can all change by the will of Allah swt. 

Fear

Assalamu'alaikum,

In halaqa the other day, I learned about four types of fear, خوف.  The topic really made me look into myself, the way I think, and the way I behave.  What amazes me at times is how certain topics may not seem relative to us...but every little thing in Islam relates directly to our lives and personal experiences.  There is always a connection and a form of therapy for the challenges of this life.  Before I start, let me give you some background on the different types of fear.

• Al Khawf Al Fitri - الخوف الفطري
• The natural fear.  It is a form of fear that is normal and does not become excessive, such as fear of a snake that can poison you.  This type of fear is beneficial because it helps you protect yourself from dangers around you.
• Al Khawf Al Wajib - الخوف الواجب
• The obligatory fear.  The fear of Allah (swt), His punishment, the Last Day, etc. falls into this category.  It also serves as a form of protection from sinning and helps you seek refuge in Allah (swt).
• Al Khawf Al Shirki - الخوف الشركي
• The associating fear.  It is a form of fearing that brings you to committing a form of shirk, associating with Allah (swt).  It is the fear of someone or something that causes you to magnify that person or thing.  An example is a magician that you fear may harm you and you try to seek his/her pleasure.
• Al Khawf Al Muharram - الخوف المحرم
• The forbidden fear.  There is no question al khawf al shirki is forbidden, but al khawf al muharram is "forbidden" because of the ease of which a Muslim can fall into this predicament.
• It is the fear of someone or something will harm you like al khawf al shirki.  However, the difference is that you do not magnify that particular person or thing.  This form of fear causes you to leave an obligatory act or leads you to a sin.

During the halaqa, I began to think about some of the major fears that I have in regard to my life as a Muslim.  One of my major fears, ever since I moved overseas, is the disconnect between my husband and the masjid.  Subhanallah in America, there were daily programs and lectures for us to attend at the masjid together.  Alhamdulillah over here, I have found the halaqas, but aside from khutbah during Salatul Jummah, there isn't much for my husband.  This fear then makes me think of the stories of men who were so religious and then transformed and would commit acts of zinnah and fall into major sins.  Then, I think to myself...what about me?  What if I am the one that one day wakes up and decides I no longer want to be Muslim.  This type of fear is al khawf al wajib.  It is the fear that you may lose your deen and you may have as my halaqa teacher said in Arabic "a bad ending."  This is the fear that causes you to ask Allah (swt) to keep you and your loved ones on a straight path, to protect from the pressures of the dunya, etc.

But then, I began to think of all the things that could lead me to have al khawf al muharram, the forbidden fear.  The halaqa teacher gave us an example that is quite common amongst Muslim women.  She discussed how some women are afraid to where the hijab and find different reasons or "fears" to justify why they cannot wear it.  For some, it is that their husbands, parents, or other family members do not want them to, while for others it may be fear of what society may say, etc.  I'm not going to get into this topic...for me it brought up a different set of trials.

I began to think of worldly matters that I am afraid of.  The first one that has been on my mind constantly is not having children.  Every woman may have the natural fear (al khawf al fitri) before they have children, that they may not be able to.  I know I have talked about it with  many of my friends who have thought about that at least once.  Sometimes, my worries lead to what ifs...such as what if I can't have children and my husband decides to get re-married, etc.  Other fears that came to my mind include the fear of divorce, the fear of becoming depressed with things that don't go your way, etc.  What makes these fears become forbidden fears?  I begin to become suspicious.  I start fights with my husband.  I make issues out of nothing.  I get angry and upset.

When I truly look at the source of these fears, I realize they come from television shows, movies, gossip, news, etc.  I began to think it is so easy for a person to fall into this trap...this form of fear.  I remember when I got married, everyone was so happy about how religious he was, Alhamdulillah.  But..I remember a family member of mine around 20 that is very suspicious of all things "religious" came up to me and asked me...how I knew I could trust my husband...that he didn't flirt...that he wouldn't cheat on me one day.  Subhanallah, this is what society teaches us...that this is what all men do...and how all men behave, etc.

The more I began to think about fear...the more I realized how society is constantly living in fear of worldly matters.  What makes a Muslim different is that we put our worldly affairs in the hands of Allah (swt).  It is so easy to make that statement and much more difficult to actually live by it.  So what I do to stop these fears from bringing me down?

1. Constantly make du'a and ask for Allah (swt)'s help.
2. Remind myself to put my trust and faith in Allah (swt).
3. Think about all the times I was worried and Allah (swt) eased those situations.
4. Be grateful.

I have been making a lot of progress lately.  Every time I get into an argument and Shaitaan wants me to think the worst of my husband, I begin to seek refuge in Allah (swt) and I trust that our affairs will be mended.  I have to constantly convince myself that Allah (swt) will take care of it.  It is a battle with my conscious that goes on all the time.  It is a battle that I will fight to the end, Insha'Allah.

It's been hard to keep up...

but I'm still going to try.  I feel like life moves at super speed sometimes, Subhanallah.  By the time I returned from Ethiopia, I had to start packing for Lebanon to visit my husband's extended family.  I really didn't have much time to post more about my Ethiopia trip as I would have liked.  I will have to back track later.

I'm feeling pretty good, Alhamdulillah.  It's funny how much du'a I made and how worried I was about my DH's new job, and now things are starting to fall into place, Subhanallah.  I remember learning this du'a, "Allahuma ujbur qalbee," which means Allah (swt) "fix" my heart.  In other words, it is a du'a you say when your heart is suffering from pain and you aren't content with something in your life.  I remember the halaqa teacher saying that this du'a will bring you a sense of relief and contentment if you truly hand over the matter to Allah (swt) and believe in it.  Subhanallah, I feel like some pressure has been lifted.  I have found a sense of contentment with my new life overseas and I am trying to keep an open mind to everything.  I'm realizing how hard it is to brush away negative thoughts.  The best thing that helps me is to consistently repeat "Audhubillahi minash shaytaan nirajeem." 

I have three major goals I want to try to work on this summer, Insha'Allah:

1. Continue studying and learnig spoken Arabic.
2. Finish memorization of Juz' Amma and review all the Surah's I have memorized.
3. Work out and tone my body.

Oh and other exciting news...I just finished a third round of interviews with a really cool online schooling program from an American company.  They have started online schools for K-12th grade.  Insha'Allah, whatever is for the best will happen.  Best part of the last interview was the woman who interviewed me was a muhajibah and convert American. 

Anyways...will update again soon, Insha'Allah.

Welcome to Addis Ababa - Part 1 of Ethiopia

Our drive to the hotel resulted in another world being opened up to me.  There were stray drogs strolling the streets with the people.  Little boys were bobbing up and down while riding their donkeys.  When we stopped at our first red light, a woman was holding a baby and asking for money.  Her neck looked like it had two tennis balls inside.  Her beautiful baby with a tiny bracelet around her wrist was turning her hand up and down, trained to ask for money.  I was looking out at the little shops boxed in by large sheets of metal painted all sorts of colors.  Men were carrying live sheeps and goats around their shoulders. 

We had just arrived in Addis Ababa, the capital city of Ethiopia.  I would have never guessed it was the capital city.  We drove by the "castles" of the president and prime minister.  It wasn't anything special.  They were closed in by fences and looked like neglected homes taken over by the forest surrounding it.  Guards holding AK47s could be seen in raised wooden platforms.  The only sign of their wealth and power was the large areas of land that were fenced in.

We gasped when we saw the Sheraton hotel we would be staying in.  It was truly a castle and I am sure the most beautiful building in the entire capital.  It was sticking its tongue out at the president's castle right across the street.  Later, we were to find out the castle was built for the an important Shaikh of Saudi Arabia.  We were not told exactly who, but he married an Ethiopian.  It explained the flag of Saudi Arabia located by the entrance of the hotel.

Our first day passed by quickly.  While we settled into the hotel, we looked out at our view of little shacks made up of the same metal sheets similar to the shops beside the main road.  They were lined up right against one another and surrounded by garbage.  Looking back into our rooms at our spacious room with excquisite furnishing, we were overwhelmed with guilt.

I've been avoiding blogging...

for no good reason!  I just got lazy and didn't feel like I had something new and interesting to add to the blog.  Today, I was just thinking about an old friend of mine.  I received an e-mail from this friend that shocked me a few months ago. 

There was a time me and this friend were incredibly close.  We both kind of found our love for Islam together after some difficult times in our lives.  It was our passionate debates and discussions on Islam that really opened up my eyes about the dichotomy of what my heart believed and the way I lived my life.  I thought she was on the same page as me...but I realized soon after I was moving a lot faster than she was.   She would share her difficulties in trying to become a better Muslim and the challenges she was facing.  I wanted her to know that I was there every step of the way, I wasn't trying to pressure her, and to take it one day at a time.  She valued my opinions and would strongly consider them when making important decisions.  I was able to convince her to apply to school and finish her bachelor's degree and try to bring Islam back into her life.  After I got married, we lost touch.  I tried my best to reach out to her, but she didn't really respond.  She lived on the other side of the U.S., so it really made it difficult to get into touch with her.

About six months ago, I received an e-mail from her that shocked me.  She had sent out a mass e-mail to all of her contacts about a new website she started.  When I saw it, my heart dropped and I felt a sense of failure in a weird way.  I went to the website to find that she had finished her college degree and rather than setting out to find a job, she went back to the career before we had met...music.  It was a horrible and disgusting lifestyle...and it killed me to now she would go back to that.  I went to the site, listened to the music, and just felt even more disappointment.  I don't know...maybe if I heard songs that may have been more meaningful...I would feel better.  However, the songs were the pop garbage that is out today about meeting someone at the club and dancing.  Another song was about being famous and rich.  It really surprised me and I felt like I lost someone.  I really don't know how to explain it.  I had heard her songs from before we met.  At least they were filled with emotions and life lessons.  They were meaningful and deep.  These new songs were just duplicates of what is already out there.  Of course, I would never want her to go back to music in the first place...but I just found her lyrics to these new songs showed me a completely different person.  A person I never imagined she wanted to be.  A person she used to mock.  And then I started to think...the lengths people may go to to become famous and rich.  Maybe...I was blind to it...and this was what she really wanted from her life.  Most of all, the pictures she has posted at clubs and the way she looks...it only filled my heart with sadness and fear.  I feel saddened at what can happen to people...and I feel fear and I pray that I never get sucked into these traps.

Every now and then I go back to her website to see what she is up to.  Part of me is hoping one day I will go to that site to find that she has shut it down and fixed her life up.  I could never bring myself to e-mail her.  I didn't know what to say.  I just made du'a. 

New Country, New Adventures - Part 2

Assalamu'alaikum everyone!

I stopped posting for awhile because of this final thesis I needed to do for my master's.  Alhamdulillah, it's over and now I'm just waiting for the results (make du'a for me!).  I'm falling behind with all the amazing things we're doing and my posting.  Here are pictures from a few weeks ago.  Enjoy!

Dubai Metro




Dubai Metro Station


I had to post on the Dubai Metro because the way they've built the stations reminds me of the Jetsons.  As a New Yorker, public transportation is something we tend to talk a lot of trash about, but definitely do not appreciate enough.  I first learned that when we traveled through the rest of America and realized there's nothing like NY's subway, railroads, etc.  Alhamdulillah, Dubai has a metro that runs along the one major highway, Shaikh Zayed Road.  Most of the major development is along this road and it pretty much is Dubai.  The metro is incredibly cheap, one ride to the furthest end is a dollar and change.  They have a max that the metro can charge you per day.  So if you reach this max (which is cheap), you can ride limitlessly all day without paying.  I love it.  Of course there are drawbacks such as speed, not always very convenient, etc., but Alhamdulillah you appreciate what you can get.  It's better than nothing!

Dubai Malls

Dubai has tons of malls and they are the place to go around here.  I'm not a big mall person and I really don't understand the point of walking around a mall for fun if you aren't going to shop.  I don't like window shopping because it makes me want things that either I can't afford or I don't need.  I will only go to the mall whhen I need something.  Here...it's very common to go to the mall on a weekly basis just to hang out and walk around.  The malls are beautiful and they have many high-end designer stores...but still not my cup of tea.  When I first got here, I was so impressed with the architecture and beautiful details that I was taking snapshots...until I realized I'm going to be living here and seeing this everyday.  So...here's a few of my quick shots.

Section of the Dubai Mall.



Aquarium in the Dubai Mall.

Mercato (an Italian-themed mall).

Ceiling of Khan Murjan Souk (traditional arts/crafts souk underground in the Wafi Mall)



Close up of the ceiling.



Light show at the Wafi Mall (an Egyptian themed mall).



China Section of Ibn Battuta Mall (sections of the mall represent different regions of the world).

Dubai Beaches

I have only been to two of the beaches in Dubai.  Unfortunately, the set up of the beaches is the same back in the states...absolutely inappropriate for Muslims.  It really sucks because back home we could only enjoy going to the beach either incredibly early in the morning (before anyone got there) or around maghrib time (when everyone is leaving).  We were hoping it would be a little different here (not really sure what we were expecting)...but def. not absolute nakedness.  In fact, we were just in a cab driving by one of the beaches and saw an absolutely naked guy standing on the side of the street next to the beach.  I'm pretty sure he could get locked up for that...but wth!  Anyways, one of the days we went was really for the restaurant located on the beach...and it was way too cold for anyone to be in the water.  The other time we went was at night and I don't have any pictures of that.  We live right across the street from a marina/beach...but it's for the hotels only.  The public beach is about a 30 minute beautiful walk along the marina from us. 

Beach by the restaurant.

Beautiful water of the gulf!

New Country, New Adventures - Part 1

Assalamu'alaikum Everyone!

It's been very diffuclt for me to post frequently these past few weeks.  We've done some new and interesting things.  I'll go in order as to what we've seen with some pictures from our adventures, too!

Jumeirah Masjid
A few weeks ago (not sure if I posted about it) we went to see Jumeirah Masjid.  It was beautiful.  I have to be honest, though, I didn't really see how it was nicer than the other masajid in Dubai.  They are all incredible in my opinion.  Here are some pictures. 

Front of the masjid.  I tried to move as far back as I could, but I wasn't able to get the entire masjid.



On our way home from dinner we were able to catch a shot of the masjid at night.

Burj Khalifa

One of the first buildings we went to see was the famous Burj Khalifah upon our arrival to Dubai.  The tallest building and man-made structure in the world.  It was called the Burj Dubai, but during the opening ceremony they changed the name to honor the President of the UAE.  Just about two weeks ago, we went to the top.  It was unbelievable how far you could see.  I've been to the top of the CN Tower (tallest building in the Western Hemisphere) and the Empire State.  I've never seen anything like this.  The building itself catches your eye!  We were lucky enough to watch a really nice water show from the top that takes place next to the Dubai Mall. 

More to come, Insha'Allah!

MIA...

Assalamu'alaikum all,

Sorry, I've been missing in action recently because somehow (Subhanallah) my schedule went from being sitting around doing nothing to actually having a pretty packed week.  I had an interesting week with lots of updates!

Everything around us is a learning experience.  My goal is to be able to find my way through the challenges of this life with the deen in my hand and most importantly...my heart.  One thing I read recently in this article (it's amazing...highly suggest you read it) really opened up my eyes.  Your heart needs to be purified constantly.  One of the ways in purifying your heart is by surrounding yourself with people that remind you of the akhira.  Now...where do you find those people?

I had one friend that I met in college.  We both came from very different backgrounds and in terms of being religious...she is definitely far more than I am.  Even though she is younger than me, I always looked up to her and was motivated by her purity and closeness to Islam.  She may not know it...but she is a major reason I've improved and I'm always searching for companions like her.  She is the type of person that gives you her honest opinion and reminds you of what you need to do to get to the akhirah.  Unlike some of my other friends in college, she always gave me advice that was sincere and would help me be successful in this life and the afterlife.

One of my worries when I moved to Dubai was whether I'd be able to find a friend like that here.  Subhanallah, this week I really saw how Allah (swt) made many of my fears go away and answered my du'a.  I didn't even realize how much I wanted it...until I got it this week.  Alhamdulillah.

First off...I found this organization, Al Huda Sisters, that was started by some Western Muslim women getting together to learn about Islam.  They have a wonderful teacher that gives lectures in English.  She teaches tajweed, Arabic, tafseer, hifdh, seerah, etc.  It's amazing!  They have classes every day...talk about dedication.  I missed registration for Arabic classes...so right now I'm attending the other courses twice a week.  I was there for one day and I was blown away with how much I left with.  Best of all, I made a friend.  One thing I love about classes such as these is that it gives you an opportunity to meet people with similar values and lifestyles such as your own.

I also took the time to meet with my old co-worker's sister.  She moved to Dubai from America a few years back.  I was a little worried that we may not hit it off very well because she's a few years older than me and she has three kids, Masha'Allah.  But of course...Allah (swt) knows better.  We actually got along very well.  Since she is a teacher too...we had a lot of things to talk about.  Our professions brought us together.  I also was very happy to see that her family values were similar to my own.  In fact...her overall spending habits and challenges were ones that I was facing, too.  We live far from one another, but I was happy to see both of us were willing to take the time out to see each other.

My husband came home this weekend.  He knew my first few weeks were tough and he told me he was worried about me.  Alhamdulillah, I was happily able to tell him that Insha'Allah things are getting better.  It took me some time to get used to it...but I'm starting to like it here.

International Day

Assalamu'alaikum!

Today I went to my husband's cousins' school for their International Day.  The girls are in the 3rd and 4th grades.  Their school (elementary to high school) was celebrating all of the different countries the student body represented.  It's like Multicultural Day back in the states.  The only thing that I did like better was the students were presented to the parents and other attendees by their country in a parade.  One student would hold a sign of the flag and name of the country while the others would follow behind dressed up in traditional garb...some even carrying traditional weapons, instruments, etc.  I really thought it was beautiful!  In addition, they all had their own national anthem or song that represented their country playing in the background.  The only kids I kind of felt bad for were the ones that were representing their country by themselves or with one other student.  They all seemed very happy, though.

After the parade, we were invited to the stage to watch performances by the students.  A few of the performances had students wearing mini skirts and cropped shirts exposing the bellies of girls.  I know the school isn't particulary an Islamic school...but they do teach Islamic Studies and it is located in the Middle East.  A specific dress code isn't enforced strictly here...but there are signs everywhere asking people to dress modestly.  Of course, there are many people that ignore them, but I think schools should apply similar rules...even during events such as this.  In fact, even in America our schools had rules about the length of skirts, tops that were acceptable, etc. 

I won't get into details about the older girls and their dancing...but I will say that I kind of feel like the innocence of younger girls (around elementary ages) is being stripped away so early.  I couldn't believe some of the moves on these 5-8 year olds.  It really scared me to watch a seven year old with heavy make up...shake her a** and belly dance.  I couldn't even watch!  Even my husband's cousins were trying to look as sexy as they could with their dance moves.  Did I mention that his aunt put blonde highlights in their hair?  What is the world coming to?  No wonder the new generations of tweens and teens have more issues now more than ever before.  Look at the way they are being raised.  It also makes me worried about raising my own children (when I have them, Insha'Allah) when the peer pressure is worse than it has ever been. 

I used to teach at an Islamic school and I remember talking to parents about the changes their kids were going through.  I taught 4th-6th grades.  My eye was especially on those sixth graders.  I can't believe how many parents were aware of the things their kids were doing on facebook, myspace, etc....and how they made it sound like they were helpless.  They felt like they couldn't do anything to stop it or control it...because then the kids talk about all the other parents that allow it. 

I found a great series of parenting posts by Umm Reem on Muslim Matters.  Here is her Author Archives.  One of my favorite posts is about Twilight!  May Allah (swt) help us raise children that are pious, obedient, and righteous.  Ameen.

Mediterranean Roasted Chicken Recipe

Yesterday was the first time I cooked since I've gotten here!  It was great to be back in the kitchen.  I love to cook for others and especially my husband.  He came back yesterday morning and I wanted to make him something special.  I know his favorite cuisine is Lebanese, so I've gone through many sources to learn how to make Lebanese food.  After struggling with Lebanese cook books and random recipes found via google...I finally discovered http://www.dedemed.com/.  She is amazing!  I love her recipes because not only are they written down, but they all come with YouTube videos.  She answers your questions right away and takes you through the entire process.

Last night, I made Mediterranean chicken roast inspired by her recipe with some modifications.  Here is the video to her original recipe, DedeMed Chicken Roast.

Source

(Not my roast chicken but very similar)

Mediterranean Chicken Roast Recipe

Preparation time:  15-20 minutes

Cooking time:  55-60 minutes

Ingredients:

• 1 whole chicken
• 1 t salt
• 4 garlic cloves
• 1/2 t seven spices
• 1/2 t coriander
• 3/4 t paprika
• 1/4 t cinnamon
• 1/2-3/4 t black pepper
• 2-4 small potatoes
• 1 onion
• 1-2 lemons
• Olive Oil
• Fresh Rosemary
• Fresh Thyme
• Cooking String

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees.
2. Wash whole chicken and dry with paper towel.  Place in large bowl to season.  Cut slashes all around the chicken in order to rub spice mixture in.
3. In a mortar & pestle, add salt and garlic.  Crush the garlic.
4. Add all spices to the salt and garlic.  If you do not have fresh rosemary or thyme, you can add around 1/2 t of it dried each.  Also, you can add more salt, garlic, and black pepper based on your taste.  I also add a pinch of cayenne pepper to give it a little kick.  Mix together with a generous amount of olive oil.
5. Evenly rub the spice mixture on the chicken, underneath the skin, and deep into the slashes.  Make sure you can feel an even amount of salt all over the chicken and the chicken is coated with olive oil.
6. Add a few pieces of fresh rosemary and thyme on the chicken, in between the legs, and in the cavity.
7. Take half a lemon and squeeze juice over the chicken.
8. Take the other half and place inside of cavity.
9. Take half of the onion and place inside of cavity.
10. Tie up the chicken legs to keep cavity closed.
11. Chop the other half of the onion into large pieces and place around chicken.
12. Chop the carrots into 1 inch pieces and place around chicken.
13. You can leave the potatoes whole and place around chicken.  I like to slice the potatoes into thick slices and place around the chicken.  A few tips about the potatoes.  Mine came out a little dry.  I think I should have either pre-cooked the potatoes a little or laid out the carrots and potatoes flat onto the pan so the juices from the chicken covered them. 
14. Sprinkle the onions, potatoes, and carrots with some salt and pepper to taste.
15. Place chicken in oven for 15-20 minutes on 450 degrees.
16. After 20 minutes, lower the heat to 400 degrees for a 5 lb. bird and cook for 40 minutes.  If the chicken is less than 5 lbs., take 7 minutes off for each lb.
17. Dede's secret after you roast anything, take it out of the oven and let it sit for 10 minutes before serving in order to keep the juices in.

The chicken was incredibly delicious.  I made toum (a Lebanese garlic paste served with chicken) with it, but my husband said the chicken was so good it didn't need it.  I would serve it with a salad if you want something simple.  If you are serving it to guests, I would add some more sides.  I wish I had taken a picture, but my husband had started digging in by the time I got my camera...next time, Insha'Allah. 

Men and Staring

Assalamu'alaikum all!

I decided to do my grocery for Saturday (hubby's homecoming) today since Friday the grocery shops are packed.  So...I took the long way around my building to the Marina Walk.  The building next to ours is undergoing construction and I wanted to avoid the desi construction workers lingering around.  Anyways, I'm walking behind my building when I notice the other end of the street that I have to cross to enter the Marina Walk (it's like a boardwalk).  I see a bunch of desi construction guys running onto the street from yet another building under construction and they are standing in a line waiting for their bus to arrive.  Crap!  I look across the street to see if  maybe I could cross from where I'm standing, but no...the sidewalk is under construction and totally blocked off from that side.  Crap!  Crap!  Crap!  I start thinking maybe I should just go back home and leave it for another time.  I catch a glimpse of some women walking through.  Okay, if they can do it...then so can I.  I'm fully covered.  I'm a strong independent Muslim woman.

I start walking towards them with my eyes glued to the floor and the most serious look I could muster on my face.  I hear voices quiet down.  Why is it when I pass by they are quiet?!  They begin whispering and telling each other to look.  Why did they not even notice those other women?  It's because they know I am desi.  Ahh...shoot me now!!  I glance up quickly to see if I was right.  Yup, they are all staring like I'm some kind of zoo animal.  My pace quickens along with my heartbeat and I make it to the corner.  Every part of me just wanted to turn around and scream something like, "Be aware of Allah (swt)!  Have some decency!  I am a Muslim sister that you should respect and protect."

The worst part was that on my way home with heavy bags of groceries, there was another set of construction workers standing there.  And this time...there were two lines on each side of the pathway.  I had to walk in between.  It was horrible.

On my path to hijab, one incident that shook me and added to my decision to start was the staring and harrassing.  I remember I was walking to one of my classes in college and I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt.  They were revealing of my body shape.  My hair was hanging loose perfectly and I had light make up on.  I walked by a coffee shop and noticed this guy look at me in a funny way.  The guy literally followed me down the block and began bothering me for my number.  I had to walk up to a campus security officer to get him to stop.  Subhanallah, that same day some other men whistled at me from a car.  It was the first time anything like that ever happened to me.  I'm not some gorgeous girl that turns heads.  It was the weirdest thing.  I had guys here and there stare...which killed me...but never anything like this...and two incidents in one day. 

I just remember the feelings that had overcome me at those moments.  The entire day I felt naked and ashamed.  I wanted a shawl to cover up my body.  I felt violated.  It was the first time I felt like I wanted to protect myself...my beauty.  I wanted it to be appreciated in a respectful manner.  I began to question my own motives for dressing the way I did.  What was I looking for?  I knew it wasn't that.  It was one of those moments that made me realize I wanted a man that appreciated me in an honorable way.

I hope Allah (swt) guides those men that see a Muslim woman and do not know how to respect her.  Her hijab (and I just don't mean headscarf alone...I also mean manners and the rest of one's body) should be a sign for them...a reminder...to be mindful of Allah (swt).  May Allah (swt) have mercy on us.

Family Life

Before my husband left for training, he brought something up that really bothered me.  Quick background:  He has a job at a number one consulting firm, Masha’Allah.  It requires that he travel four days out of the week.  They fly him back on the weekends.  Back to the problem:  He asked me if I would be okay with this kind of lifestyle when we have a family.  Umm my brain started screaming Hell no! and possibly some foul language.  He continued and said that he doesn’t want a 9-5 job that meant he’d be in a static position, unable to move up in his career.  He thinks if he stays with this company long term, he could move up considerably and be very successful. 

I sucked in some air and took a minute to maintain my composure.  I very calmly (I’m quite proud of myself) reminded him of a time last year when he came home from work extremely late and told me he wanted a job with a more balanced home life when we have children, Insha’Allah.  I reminded him of the many times he has shown his dislike of careers that require you to sacrifice your family just to make more money and be successful at something for the sake of this dunya alone.  His response was that I should think about it and we would discuss it again in the future when the time is closer.

See…we have a six year plan (Insha’Allah) and if Allah (swt) wants it can always change.  My husband plans to work for this company for two years, Insha’Allah.  After that, they will pay for his MBA on the condition that he will stay with them for another two years, Insha’Allah.  So that’s 2 years for his MBA and another 2 that he owes the company, Insha’Allah.

Here are my issues with all of this and you are more than welcome to give your input.  The purpose of this post is not to complain about my husband, but to get valuable insight from my fellow Muslims.

1.      While he is traveling, he works until late hours of the night and can’t even hold more than a 5 minute long conversation with me throughout the entire day.

2.      The weekends fly by because he is busy taking care of errands.  On top of that, when he does have any time to relax…he whips out his laptop to tell me he still has some work to do.

3.      Keep in mind numbers one and two…and I’m pretty much a single mom!

4.      My children will not have a strong and close relationship with their super busy father.

The only argument I could see that is plausible is that for a Muslim to advance in a large consulting firm would be a great accomplishment for other Muslims that follow.  The only thing is that I don’t see much of how his job benefits Islam.  Also, another concern is that he doesn’t have time for family, when will he have time to continue increasing his iman and Islamic knowledge.  I wouldn’t mind making so many sacrifices if I knew it was benefitting the Muslim ummah somehow. 

In addition, I’ve always valued family more than anything else.  I decided not to go to law school because I thought a career like that would get in the way with my responsibilities at home.  I would rather live in a simple manner just to have my entire family (including my husband) eat dinner together every night.  I always imagined this scenario.  The kids come home from school, do their homework, review Qur’an, etc.  By the time my husband gets home, dinner will be on the table and we sit as a family to eat together and talk.  I always imagined our evenings ending with an Islamic chat or some small family activity.  My husband and I tuck in our kids at night and then spend alone time relaxing together.  I know I can’t have everything…but I’d like to try to have at least that.

Moving In

I’m surrounded by boxes and packing paper.  My clothes and my husband’s clothes are scattered all throughout the living room and bedroom…patiently waiting to be put in their places.  Other random things…books, hair dryer, kitchen utensils, etc. are in a similar situation.   Regardless of the mess, I’m incredibly ecstatic.

Back in America, a moving company was hired by my husband’s new employer to pack every little thing.  All I had to pack were the necessary clothes and other items that we would need on our immediate arrival prior to the shipment.  I didn’t touch a thing.  In fact, it took me around two hours to pack my things and my husband’s to move all the way across the world. 

Another moving company was hired here in Dubai by my husband’s company to unpack all of it.  My beloved husband (I really do love him with his quirks and all) had this crazy idea (and I think I’m crazier for having conceded)…he wanted the movers to unpack only the big things…and leave the rest for us to do since we weren’t sure where we wanted everything just yet.  Doesn’t sound too insane at first…but unpacking all the things you’ve collected over the course of 3 years...it’s a lot.  I can’t imagine what others who have houses do when they move….all I had was a one bedroom apartment. 

Where is my husband?  In South Africa for training.  Where am I?  In the apartment.  Doing what you may ask?  Putting everything away.  I have been lifting boxes, unpacking things, making the difficult decision of where to put them…and I am absolutely exhausted!  I feel like I’ve had the most intensive but excellent work out ever.  The one that really makes you feel like your body is healthy and strong.  I really don’t mind that I’m doing it all on my own, either.  I’m pretty sure if my husband was here…we’d have a ten minute discussion on where to put each thing.  I’m just going to set everything the way I see fit (since I’m the one that’s going to be using this apartment the most)…and if he doesn’t like it…we can move it around later. 

Now I truly understand what it really is like to move your life hundreds of miles.  I remember how excited I was to have this opportunity to live in another country and travel.  Since I’ve been here…I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t as psyched as I thought I was going to be.  My husband even told me (for the first time last night) that he’s noticed and he’s sure everyone else has noticed as well…since we’ve been here I have had this attitude he could only describe as blah.  After he said that...I couldn’t have agreed more!  That’s exactly how I felt.  It’s because up until just yesterday…I was a guest in someone’s house and I wasn’t doing anything that you normally do to make yourself feel at home.  I didn’t have “my home” until today and now the excitement and thrill of being all the way across the world is hitting me.  What’s funny is that even though I have hours of work ahead of me…at this moment…I feel energized and awake, Alhamdulillah.

I’ve come to two other realizations.  The first is that as much as I may have enjoyed watching the men do everything for me…I really like to do things for myself.  Even at my husband’s aunt’s house they had a servant…and I felt horrible when she’d do things for me…so I just would ask her where everything was and do it myself.  I could tell she totally appreciated it…since she’s overworked completely.  The second thing I realized is that I need to get a job.  I need that feeling of accomplishment…and as much as I thought I was done with working…I know now that I am not.  There’s a teacher in town looking for a job J.

Chicken Makhni...True Love

Assalamu'alaikum all!

Alhamdulillah, it's funny how food can turn your mood around.  Last night, my husband knew something was wrong...but I didn't want to make an issue out of it so I just played it off.  Up until this morning...he was still insisting I tell him what was bothering me.  I know he's stressed out with the new job and working hard...I didn't want to burden him any further with my issues.  So today...I didn't hold any high expectations.

The majority of my day was pretty much a waste.  I caught up on some of my fave shows.  It's so hard for me to give up TV.  I've definitely cut down a lot since before, but I know I need to start cutting more out.  The only beneficial thing I got out of my day was reviewing some Surahs I've memorized and re-memorizing Surah At Tariq...that I completely mixed up with other ayaats.  This was by and far the best part of my day because it just reminded me of the beauty of the Qur'an.  I also read some great notes on the tafsir of Surah At Tariq.  Here are the links:

http://www.ilmfruits.com/tafseer-surah-tariq-you-will-be-recreated/

http://forums.islamicawakening.com/f43/surah-tariq-tafsir-dream-notes-nouman-ali-khan-30202/

Both links are terrific and I highly recommend you have a read.  I especially like the second one because it highlights the important Arabic words...why they were used.  Best of all, it connects the Surah to other ones and gives you an overall layout of how they are linked. 

Later on during the day, I skyped with my cousin for a little bit...and then I went down to the gym in the building.  I wish I had a burkini so I could go swimming in the pool.  It's around $130 here in Bahrain, but I don't like the ones they are selling.  I saw some really good ones that are on American websites.  I'm going to go back to Dubai and look for them over there.  Anyways, I was on the elliptical machine for 20 minutes.  I set the effort level to 5/12.  It was pretty tough for me...especially because I'm a petite person that barely ever gets involved in any physical activity.  I just gained a little weight that has been putting some extra fat in the tummy area and in my face.  I want to get rid of it.  Even a little bit extra weight on a petite person makes a big difference.  I'm going to go back tomorrow to do this thing called a rower.  My husband says its a total body work out.  It's a machine that mimics the act of "rowing" which helps you work out your legs, arms, etc.

Anyways...let me get to the highlight of my evening...chicken makhni (pictured below in coincidentally the same exact bowl mine came in).  If you don't know what it is...it's a South Asian dish translated as Buttered Chicken.  I absolutely love it!  In my opinion, it's really hard to find good Chicken Makhni.  The best I've ever had is at a restaurant called Bukhara Grill in NYC.  I ordered in-room dining here at the hotel...I'm not sure if I was starving (food always tastes better then) or if it was actually good....but I loved every bite of it.  To continue making my work-out today absolutely unnecessary...I had a coke, too!  Oh, how I love thee soda.  That wonderful meal was combined with the movie The Tourist with Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp.  It was a silly movie...but I like Johnny Depp...so I didn't mind too much.

Insha'Allah, tomorrow night I go back to Dubai.  Just two more nights at my husband's aunt's house and Insha'Allah I will be in my own apartment.  The one thing I want to do the most is cook!  Also...my husband's company shippied all of our belongings and furniture from America to Dubai on a ship...all that arrives this Saturday!  I'm looking foward to that, Insha'Allah.

Sacrifices We Make

Assalamu'alaikum,

I've been feeling kind of down.  As strong as I try to be, it's so hard to get over some of the things that hurt you in your life, especially when they are repeatedly thrown in your face.  Last night, my husband was video chatting with his family.  Since we have been here, his mother has not returned any of our calls nor the numerous amounts of e-mails we have sent.  In fact, we know for sure she would ignore our calls.  Nonetheless, he finally got his sister to have his mother make a 30 second appearance on the video chat.  In order to soften her up, he tried sending her a gift, as well.

I hate how the thought of her just makes me want to cry all the time.  I feel so suffocated by his family.  I thought our move to Dubai would be beneficial for us to become independent of them.  I had been hurt and disrespected enough.  I thought I had my fair share of it for three years, and this distance may make things easier (at least for my sake).  In a previous post I may have mentioned his aunt lives in Dubai.  Well, the night before we were leaving to Bahrain, she pretty much told him she knew that his mother dislikes me a lot.  She didn't say anything directly, but he told me she kept making analogies that were obvious references to it.  It really bothered me a lot and I found it out of line.  I already feel his aunt thinks that I am unworthy of him because I am Pakistani.  She has made indirect remarks about it.  Now, I feel like I can't get away from these ignorant people and they make me feel so self-conscious.

My mood kind of went further downhill when my husband was supposed to meet me for iftar today.  He e-mailed me and told me he had to cancel because of a meeting, but to eat something light and we'll catch dinner.  Right before he went to his last meeting, he e-mailed me to tell me that one of the partners at the firm wants the team to go out to dinner.  I could have asked him to say he already made plans, but this is a new job and I know he needs to get in tight with the partner.  I had to make similar sacrifices at his last job and they were quite worthwhile since the partner loved him.

Alhamdulillah.  I just make du'a that these sacrifices I'm making are worthwhile in the end.  I miss my family, my friends, the perfect job I had to give up, and America in its entirety.  I pray these two years go by as fast as they can, Insha'Allah.