Praying Istikhara

Assalamu'alaikum,


Last night I was talking to a friend of mine that had to choose between tenants for an apartment she is renting out.  I told her to make istikhara and she thought it was only done for serious issues such as marriage.  I have noticed the topic of istikhara is widely misinterpreted with many Muslims.  The best thing I have learned from a lecture from some shaikh (my memory fails me when, where, and which shaikh...I know that's not good) is that istikhara is for any decision you need to make or any step you want to take in your life.  The point of istikhara is to show that you put your reliance in Allah swt, you are asking Him swt to help you, and lastly whatever does happen (Insha'Allah) will have barakah in it. 


And then there's the question about the dream.  Are you going to see beautiful serene dreams or nightmares?  This Shaikh (I think it was Shaikh Yasir Qadhi) said it isn't about the dream.  You may have a dream...you may not.  Your dream may even be influenced by the Shaitan, Allahualim.  He made a great point.  He said when you pray istikhara, you are asking Allah swt to bring you towards the decision that is good for you and to protect you from that which is bad.  Basically, after the prayer Allah swt will make the good decision easier and it will start falling into place.


If we really look into our lives we may be able to pinpoint those moments.  The most recent thing on my mind is this job that I applied to.  It really sounded perfect...almost too perfect.  It allowed me to work from home, I could travel with my husband, and I could follow my passion (teaching).  I prayed istikhara and my interviews went great, Subhanallah.  Okay this is a good sign.  Well, the interviewer said she'd let me know by that week.  I didn't hear back until a week and a half later.  Finally, she e-mailed me to say they would like me to come in for a third interview.  First, they had me fill out an online interview questionnaire, then take a test for an hour, an interview over the phone, and then a face to face interview.  This much work and I'm not applying to some big shot corporate firm...that's just ridiculous!  I said yes and waited to find out when and where.  Another week goes by and by now I am getting pretty annoyed.  Subhanallah, the woman e-mails me yesterday to say that they are changing the part-time position I applied for into full-time.  I already told her I couldn't commit to full-time and we had agreed on it before I even did all these things.  I think Allah swt may be trying to tell me I shouldn't commit.


My husband had the opposite experience.  He had everything going against him at first.  He didn't have time to review case studies and prepare for the interviews because he was so busy at work.  He was applying to a firm that usually only hired ivy league graduates.  He prayed istikhara.  Subhanallah, when he got there...he forgot a pen and only realized it when he got to the waiting room.  Subhanallah, all of a sudden a pen that was on the ground caught his attention and he picked it up.  He walked into the interview and he could tell he wasn't amazing, but that the interviewers liked him.  He felt like they were trying to give him chances.  After the three rounds were over, he goes back to the hotel to find a message that the interviewer would like to talk to him one more time.  They tell him not to worry and ask why he's nervous..etc.  He gets to the airport to come home that same day and thinks he doesn't have the job.  He gets a phone call right before boarding that he has the job with the contract of his dreams, Subhanallah. 


When you think all odds are against you, it can all change by the will of Allah swt. 

Family Life

Before my husband left for training, he brought something up that really bothered me.  Quick background:  He has a job at a number one consulting firm, Masha’Allah.  It requires that he travel four days out of the week.  They fly him back on the weekends.  Back to the problem:  He asked me if I would be okay with this kind of lifestyle when we have a family.  Umm my brain started screaming Hell no! and possibly some foul language.  He continued and said that he doesn’t want a 9-5 job that meant he’d be in a static position, unable to move up in his career.  He thinks if he stays with this company long term, he could move up considerably and be very successful. 

I sucked in some air and took a minute to maintain my composure.  I very calmly (I’m quite proud of myself) reminded him of a time last year when he came home from work extremely late and told me he wanted a job with a more balanced home life when we have children, Insha’Allah.  I reminded him of the many times he has shown his dislike of careers that require you to sacrifice your family just to make more money and be successful at something for the sake of this dunya alone.  His response was that I should think about it and we would discuss it again in the future when the time is closer.

See…we have a six year plan (Insha’Allah) and if Allah (swt) wants it can always change.  My husband plans to work for this company for two years, Insha’Allah.  After that, they will pay for his MBA on the condition that he will stay with them for another two years, Insha’Allah.  So that’s 2 years for his MBA and another 2 that he owes the company, Insha’Allah.

Here are my issues with all of this and you are more than welcome to give your input.  The purpose of this post is not to complain about my husband, but to get valuable insight from my fellow Muslims.

1.      While he is traveling, he works until late hours of the night and can’t even hold more than a 5 minute long conversation with me throughout the entire day.

2.      The weekends fly by because he is busy taking care of errands.  On top of that, when he does have any time to relax…he whips out his laptop to tell me he still has some work to do.

3.      Keep in mind numbers one and two…and I’m pretty much a single mom!

4.      My children will not have a strong and close relationship with their super busy father.

The only argument I could see that is plausible is that for a Muslim to advance in a large consulting firm would be a great accomplishment for other Muslims that follow.  The only thing is that I don’t see much of how his job benefits Islam.  Also, another concern is that he doesn’t have time for family, when will he have time to continue increasing his iman and Islamic knowledge.  I wouldn’t mind making so many sacrifices if I knew it was benefitting the Muslim ummah somehow. 

In addition, I’ve always valued family more than anything else.  I decided not to go to law school because I thought a career like that would get in the way with my responsibilities at home.  I would rather live in a simple manner just to have my entire family (including my husband) eat dinner together every night.  I always imagined this scenario.  The kids come home from school, do their homework, review Qur’an, etc.  By the time my husband gets home, dinner will be on the table and we sit as a family to eat together and talk.  I always imagined our evenings ending with an Islamic chat or some small family activity.  My husband and I tuck in our kids at night and then spend alone time relaxing together.  I know I can’t have everything…but I’d like to try to have at least that.