since I've last posted. The big move to Dubai is coming up and there's a lot to do with very little time left. I'm going through some bittersweet moods. I'm excited about the move, but I have to be honest...I'm pretty scared. I'm not sure what to expect. I know my husband will be working a lot more and I know I'd like to take Arabic/Islamic Studies classes. I'm not sure how this is all going to come into play, but Insha'allah, it all works out for the best.
There have been many other developments in my life other than the move. Recently, I've had to deal with something that has been very difficult. I know I'm being tested by Allah (swt). There are so many nice things happening in my life, but I'm realizing none of it matters in the face of other things. I don't want to write about what happened because you never really know who reads this, but it was something that hurt me a lot. I can't discuss it with anyone, even my closest friends. It's embarrassing and I don't need other people to make me feel worse than I already do. I didn't do anything, it was something done to me. Nonetheless, it's difficult to talk about. What I do want to say is that it's quite amazing how something can seem one way and turn out to be something very different, Subhanallah.
I do want to talk about my feelings, though. I feel sad and lonely at times. On the other hand, I find myself smiling and laughing in the presence of good company. I just wish at the end of the day I could come home and not have to think about the things that make me feel sad and lonely. I feel disconnected from salah and daily Islamic activities, in general. Every time I try to fast, I find a reason to break it. Granted, I have been very sick the past two weeks and I'm left with little choice. I think I'm just overwhelmed with all the things going on around me.
I pray, Insha'Allah, things get better after we move.
