Friendship You Can Never Get Back

Assalamu'alaikum,

Today I got an e-mail from one of my childhood friends.  There were times we grew apart, times we were convinced we'd kill each other, times we lost touch, and times we were inseparable.  Yet in some weird way, we were always best of friends.  We always knew we could call each other even if we hadn't called for months.  I have four or five friendships that fall under this category and we kind of have our own little group.  I like to call them my sisters...and not to be corny...but really because we have the love and bond of sisters and at the same time we can also tear each others hair out like sisters.  The group expanded as we moved away from one another and branched out into our own lives.  Parts of it broke off from silly teenage drama.  Nonetheless, the core group of friends always remained intact. 

Anyways, there was one thing she said that seemed out of place and stood out from the rest of the e-mail.  It was something that we all knew but never really talked about.  She wrote, "We always clicked...I have never made a friend like you anywhere else."  I also know that includes the rest of the girls...not just me...but being thousands of miles away from them...it really hit home.

We met around the time when I was in Pre-K.  We started off in the same town and gradually our parents took us our separate ways.  We went to completely different high schools and colleges far apart.  We grew up to become unique people with few similarities.  Somehow through Allah (swt) and technology (AIM)...we managed to make it through all that.  We made tons of freinds...lost most of them...and we always ended back together.  It almost sounds like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants...except it was different in a way.

After marriage, I felt a distance form between all of us that I really thought this time it was it.  We wouldn't be able to go back to normal.  Heck...one of the girls turned Shia(not that I have anything against them...she just separated herself a little more b/c of it), the second one hated that I married an Arab, the third one married someone who took her away to lala land, and the fourth one just hated that we were all married and she wasn't.  Adding to all that...I moved across the world.

Surprisingly...Allah (swt) showed us a different plan.  I talk to them more now...than I did when I first got married.  All the other people that I thought I had grown so close to...people that I thought understood me in ways that my original group couldn't...they were the ones that let that distance separate us.  My sisters were the ones that bought webcams so we could skype, that e-mail me, that take the time out to look at all my pictures and comment on each one.  They are the ones that calculate the time difference...and wait for me to talk.  I love them and I never want to lose what I have with them...and I am so glad that we didn't let all the things working against us separate us.  I have tried so hard to make friends like that wherever I go...and I have never been able to form bonds like the one me and my sisters have.

So if you have a friend like that and there may be some distance creeping up between the two of you...crush it now...and don't let it grow.  There are some friendships that you can never replace.

MIA...

Assalamu'alaikum all,

Sorry, I've been missing in action recently because somehow (Subhanallah) my schedule went from being sitting around doing nothing to actually having a pretty packed week.  I had an interesting week with lots of updates!

Everything around us is a learning experience.  My goal is to be able to find my way through the challenges of this life with the deen in my hand and most importantly...my heart.  One thing I read recently in this article (it's amazing...highly suggest you read it) really opened up my eyes.  Your heart needs to be purified constantly.  One of the ways in purifying your heart is by surrounding yourself with people that remind you of the akhira.  Now...where do you find those people?

I had one friend that I met in college.  We both came from very different backgrounds and in terms of being religious...she is definitely far more than I am.  Even though she is younger than me, I always looked up to her and was motivated by her purity and closeness to Islam.  She may not know it...but she is a major reason I've improved and I'm always searching for companions like her.  She is the type of person that gives you her honest opinion and reminds you of what you need to do to get to the akhirah.  Unlike some of my other friends in college, she always gave me advice that was sincere and would help me be successful in this life and the afterlife.

One of my worries when I moved to Dubai was whether I'd be able to find a friend like that here.  Subhanallah, this week I really saw how Allah (swt) made many of my fears go away and answered my du'a.  I didn't even realize how much I wanted it...until I got it this week.  Alhamdulillah.

First off...I found this organization, Al Huda Sisters, that was started by some Western Muslim women getting together to learn about Islam.  They have a wonderful teacher that gives lectures in English.  She teaches tajweed, Arabic, tafseer, hifdh, seerah, etc.  It's amazing!  They have classes every day...talk about dedication.  I missed registration for Arabic classes...so right now I'm attending the other courses twice a week.  I was there for one day and I was blown away with how much I left with.  Best of all, I made a friend.  One thing I love about classes such as these is that it gives you an opportunity to meet people with similar values and lifestyles such as your own.

I also took the time to meet with my old co-worker's sister.  She moved to Dubai from America a few years back.  I was a little worried that we may not hit it off very well because she's a few years older than me and she has three kids, Masha'Allah.  But of course...Allah (swt) knows better.  We actually got along very well.  Since she is a teacher too...we had a lot of things to talk about.  Our professions brought us together.  I also was very happy to see that her family values were similar to my own.  In fact...her overall spending habits and challenges were ones that I was facing, too.  We live far from one another, but I was happy to see both of us were willing to take the time out to see each other.

My husband came home this weekend.  He knew my first few weeks were tough and he told me he was worried about me.  Alhamdulillah, I was happily able to tell him that Insha'Allah things are getting better.  It took me some time to get used to it...but I'm starting to like it here.

We Failed...

Today I was visiting a few friends that I went to school with and I haven’t seen in a while.  One of my friends was very close to me, especially during my last few years in college.  She’s an incredibly genuine and kind-hearted person; a great friend to have at the end of the day.  There are times we disagree and sometimes I feel I hear her other friends talking, not her.  Today was one of those days.

We were talking about the MSA in our college and the Imam of our Islamic Center.  I’m not really sure how it all came up, but she said some things I didn’t quite agree with.  She mentioned how much the Imam has changed and some negative things floating around about him.  We started talking about the pivotal moment we saw our MSA shift from one that was conservative to one that was a little too liberal.

I did agree with her that there are some decisions the Imam made that I wouldn’t make and I am not comfortable with myself.  Basically, I remember being one of the few on the MSA board with some knowledge of Islam, still barely what it should have been.  The other kids had very minimal knowledge and were just beginning to practice.  It was difficult for them to understand many things and the points I was making along with a few other people.  Unfortunately, somehow they were placed in positions of leadership.  How they got there?  I wish I knew.  The kids were great, but I don’t believe they were making the best choices.

Unfortunately, the students that disagreed with their choices decided they would just boycott the Islamic Center.  It wasn’t your full blown orchestrated boycott.  It was just a group of people, including my friend, that decided they wouldn’t go to the Islamic Center anymore and they wouldn’t attend any more of the events.

While I was talking to her, I began getting a little defensive about the Islamic Center.  Why?  I knew there had to be good there.  It’s the place I started hijab, it’s the place I found friends that understood me and helped me become a better person.  It was through this same center that is too liberal that I became conservative and started to practice what I preach!!!  How could it be such a bad place if I found that there and I know others had, too?

And then I realized…it was because of us, all of us!  It’s our faults because we didn’t do anything or we didn’t try hard enough.  We just watched it fall into the wrong hands and go down the wrong path.  We didn’t do anything practical and useful to stop it from heading that way.  We didn’t give it everything it gave us.  We took all the good from it and we didn’t go back to strengthen it.

How often do we do this as Muslims to everything around us?  We take all the good around us and many times we never go back and return the favor.  We went to Sunday Schools that may not have given us the best Islamic education in the world, but it gave us something.  Do we ever go back?  Do we ever give back?  We get busy with our lives and ourselves.  We denounce and we shut out.  We bad mouth and criticize.  We do not act.