Moving In

I’m surrounded by boxes and packing paper.  My clothes and my husband’s clothes are scattered all throughout the living room and bedroom…patiently waiting to be put in their places.  Other random things…books, hair dryer, kitchen utensils, etc. are in a similar situation.   Regardless of the mess, I’m incredibly ecstatic.

Back in America, a moving company was hired by my husband’s new employer to pack every little thing.  All I had to pack were the necessary clothes and other items that we would need on our immediate arrival prior to the shipment.  I didn’t touch a thing.  In fact, it took me around two hours to pack my things and my husband’s to move all the way across the world. 

Another moving company was hired here in Dubai by my husband’s company to unpack all of it.  My beloved husband (I really do love him with his quirks and all) had this crazy idea (and I think I’m crazier for having conceded)…he wanted the movers to unpack only the big things…and leave the rest for us to do since we weren’t sure where we wanted everything just yet.  Doesn’t sound too insane at first…but unpacking all the things you’ve collected over the course of 3 years...it’s a lot.  I can’t imagine what others who have houses do when they move….all I had was a one bedroom apartment. 

Where is my husband?  In South Africa for training.  Where am I?  In the apartment.  Doing what you may ask?  Putting everything away.  I have been lifting boxes, unpacking things, making the difficult decision of where to put them…and I am absolutely exhausted!  I feel like I’ve had the most intensive but excellent work out ever.  The one that really makes you feel like your body is healthy and strong.  I really don’t mind that I’m doing it all on my own, either.  I’m pretty sure if my husband was here…we’d have a ten minute discussion on where to put each thing.  I’m just going to set everything the way I see fit (since I’m the one that’s going to be using this apartment the most)…and if he doesn’t like it…we can move it around later. 

Now I truly understand what it really is like to move your life hundreds of miles.  I remember how excited I was to have this opportunity to live in another country and travel.  Since I’ve been here…I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t as psyched as I thought I was going to be.  My husband even told me (for the first time last night) that he’s noticed and he’s sure everyone else has noticed as well…since we’ve been here I have had this attitude he could only describe as blah.  After he said that...I couldn’t have agreed more!  That’s exactly how I felt.  It’s because up until just yesterday…I was a guest in someone’s house and I wasn’t doing anything that you normally do to make yourself feel at home.  I didn’t have “my home” until today and now the excitement and thrill of being all the way across the world is hitting me.  What’s funny is that even though I have hours of work ahead of me…at this moment…I feel energized and awake, Alhamdulillah.

I’ve come to two other realizations.  The first is that as much as I may have enjoyed watching the men do everything for me…I really like to do things for myself.  Even at my husband’s aunt’s house they had a servant…and I felt horrible when she’d do things for me…so I just would ask her where everything was and do it myself.  I could tell she totally appreciated it…since she’s overworked completely.  The second thing I realized is that I need to get a job.  I need that feeling of accomplishment…and as much as I thought I was done with working…I know now that I am not.  There’s a teacher in town looking for a job J.

It's Been A While...

since I've last posted.  The big move to Dubai is coming up and there's a lot to do with very little time left.  I'm going through some bittersweet moods.  I'm excited about the move, but I have to be honest...I'm pretty scared.  I'm not sure what to expect.  I know my husband will be working a lot more and I know I'd like to take Arabic/Islamic Studies classes.  I'm not sure how this is all going to come into play, but Insha'allah, it all works out for the best.

There have been many other developments in my life other than the move.  Recently, I've had to deal with something that has been very difficult.  I know I'm being tested by Allah (swt).  There are so many nice things happening in my life, but I'm realizing none of it matters in the face of other things.  I don't want to write about what happened because you never really know who reads this, but it was something that hurt me a lot.  I can't discuss it with anyone, even my closest friends.  It's embarrassing and I don't need other people to make me feel worse than I already do.  I didn't do anything, it was something done to me.  Nonetheless, it's difficult to talk about.  What I do want to say is that it's quite amazing how something can seem one way and turn out to be something very different, Subhanallah.

I do want to talk about my feelings, though.  I feel sad and lonely at times.  On the other hand, I find myself smiling and laughing in the presence of good company.  I just wish at the end of the day I could come home and not have to think about the things that make me feel sad and lonely.  I feel disconnected from salah and daily Islamic activities, in general.  Every time I try to fast, I find a reason to break it.  Granted, I have been very sick the past two weeks and I'm left with little choice.  I think I'm just overwhelmed with all the things going on around me. 

I pray, Insha'Allah, things get better after we move.