It's been hard to keep up...

but I'm still going to try.  I feel like life moves at super speed sometimes, Subhanallah.  By the time I returned from Ethiopia, I had to start packing for Lebanon to visit my husband's extended family.  I really didn't have much time to post more about my Ethiopia trip as I would have liked.  I will have to back track later.

I'm feeling pretty good, Alhamdulillah.  It's funny how much du'a I made and how worried I was about my DH's new job, and now things are starting to fall into place, Subhanallah.  I remember learning this du'a, "Allahuma ujbur qalbee," which means Allah (swt) "fix" my heart.  In other words, it is a du'a you say when your heart is suffering from pain and you aren't content with something in your life.  I remember the halaqa teacher saying that this du'a will bring you a sense of relief and contentment if you truly hand over the matter to Allah (swt) and believe in it.  Subhanallah, I feel like some pressure has been lifted.  I have found a sense of contentment with my new life overseas and I am trying to keep an open mind to everything.  I'm realizing how hard it is to brush away negative thoughts.  The best thing that helps me is to consistently repeat "Audhubillahi minash shaytaan nirajeem." 

I have three major goals I want to try to work on this summer, Insha'Allah:

1. Continue studying and learnig spoken Arabic.
2. Finish memorization of Juz' Amma and review all the Surah's I have memorized.
3. Work out and tone my body.

Oh and other exciting news...I just finished a third round of interviews with a really cool online schooling program from an American company.  They have started online schools for K-12th grade.  Insha'Allah, whatever is for the best will happen.  Best part of the last interview was the woman who interviewed me was a muhajibah and convert American. 

Anyways...will update again soon, Insha'Allah.

Welcome to Addis Ababa - Part 1 of Ethiopia

Our drive to the hotel resulted in another world being opened up to me.  There were stray drogs strolling the streets with the people.  Little boys were bobbing up and down while riding their donkeys.  When we stopped at our first red light, a woman was holding a baby and asking for money.  Her neck looked like it had two tennis balls inside.  Her beautiful baby with a tiny bracelet around her wrist was turning her hand up and down, trained to ask for money.  I was looking out at the little shops boxed in by large sheets of metal painted all sorts of colors.  Men were carrying live sheeps and goats around their shoulders. 

We had just arrived in Addis Ababa, the capital city of Ethiopia.  I would have never guessed it was the capital city.  We drove by the "castles" of the president and prime minister.  It wasn't anything special.  They were closed in by fences and looked like neglected homes taken over by the forest surrounding it.  Guards holding AK47s could be seen in raised wooden platforms.  The only sign of their wealth and power was the large areas of land that were fenced in.

We gasped when we saw the Sheraton hotel we would be staying in.  It was truly a castle and I am sure the most beautiful building in the entire capital.  It was sticking its tongue out at the president's castle right across the street.  Later, we were to find out the castle was built for the an important Shaikh of Saudi Arabia.  We were not told exactly who, but he married an Ethiopian.  It explained the flag of Saudi Arabia located by the entrance of the hotel.

Our first day passed by quickly.  While we settled into the hotel, we looked out at our view of little shacks made up of the same metal sheets similar to the shops beside the main road.  They were lined up right against one another and surrounded by garbage.  Looking back into our rooms at our spacious room with excquisite furnishing, we were overwhelmed with guilt.

I've been avoiding blogging...

for no good reason!  I just got lazy and didn't feel like I had something new and interesting to add to the blog.  Today, I was just thinking about an old friend of mine.  I received an e-mail from this friend that shocked me a few months ago. 

There was a time me and this friend were incredibly close.  We both kind of found our love for Islam together after some difficult times in our lives.  It was our passionate debates and discussions on Islam that really opened up my eyes about the dichotomy of what my heart believed and the way I lived my life.  I thought she was on the same page as me...but I realized soon after I was moving a lot faster than she was.   She would share her difficulties in trying to become a better Muslim and the challenges she was facing.  I wanted her to know that I was there every step of the way, I wasn't trying to pressure her, and to take it one day at a time.  She valued my opinions and would strongly consider them when making important decisions.  I was able to convince her to apply to school and finish her bachelor's degree and try to bring Islam back into her life.  After I got married, we lost touch.  I tried my best to reach out to her, but she didn't really respond.  She lived on the other side of the U.S., so it really made it difficult to get into touch with her.

About six months ago, I received an e-mail from her that shocked me.  She had sent out a mass e-mail to all of her contacts about a new website she started.  When I saw it, my heart dropped and I felt a sense of failure in a weird way.  I went to the website to find that she had finished her college degree and rather than setting out to find a job, she went back to the career before we had met...music.  It was a horrible and disgusting lifestyle...and it killed me to now she would go back to that.  I went to the site, listened to the music, and just felt even more disappointment.  I don't know...maybe if I heard songs that may have been more meaningful...I would feel better.  However, the songs were the pop garbage that is out today about meeting someone at the club and dancing.  Another song was about being famous and rich.  It really surprised me and I felt like I lost someone.  I really don't know how to explain it.  I had heard her songs from before we met.  At least they were filled with emotions and life lessons.  They were meaningful and deep.  These new songs were just duplicates of what is already out there.  Of course, I would never want her to go back to music in the first place...but I just found her lyrics to these new songs showed me a completely different person.  A person I never imagined she wanted to be.  A person she used to mock.  And then I started to think...the lengths people may go to to become famous and rich.  Maybe...I was blind to it...and this was what she really wanted from her life.  Most of all, the pictures she has posted at clubs and the way she looks...it only filled my heart with sadness and fear.  I feel saddened at what can happen to people...and I feel fear and I pray that I never get sucked into these traps.

Every now and then I go back to her website to see what she is up to.  Part of me is hoping one day I will go to that site to find that she has shut it down and fixed her life up.  I could never bring myself to e-mail her.  I didn't know what to say.  I just made du'a.