Mecca After Fifteen Years

Alhamdulillah, I was given the blessed opportunity to visit Mecca mukarramah and perform umrah twice.  My uncle lives in Jeddah and drives into Mecca whenever the family has time, Masha'Allah.  Alhamdulillah, that made my trip much easier and relaxed.

Mecca After Fifteen Years

I had been on umrah when I was ten years old and I couldn't imagine the changes that have taken place since then.  Anxious, excited, and nervous...I could not wait to get there.

My heart began to sink as we passed through the check points along the outskirts.  The first thing you see from miles away is the big clock tower and the hotels surrounding it, while all your heart desires is a glimpse of the haram.

My aunt and cousins began to point out the houses that were lined up along the roads intertwining their way to the haram. 

They told me they were described by the Saudis as the most dangerous areas, ghettos, and homes of the illegal immigrants. 

Signs of poverty  marked the area all around; garbage thrown along the streets and sidewalks, abandoned buildings, graffiti on the walls, and solemn brick and concrete homes layered along the mountain sides.

Crawling through traffic near the haram, the minarets began to poke out between the buildings.  My heart began to beat faster with excitement. 

Surely, the area around the haram is clean and perfect! 

My eyes began to tear up at the sight of garbage along the sides of the roads and the graffiti all over.  Standing in front of the haram, a dark shadow loomed all over from the detested clock tower and its neighbors.  The markets were now replaced with H&M, Starbucks, etc.

How could they get rid of the traditional markets that gave you a glimpse of the past...what it would have been like during the time of the Prophet (saw).

The markets I did remember were pushed back by the malls and over-priced unaffordable hotels into the side roads.  They were overcrowded, filthy, and difficult to get to.

Walking into the haram, I felt my footsteps get heavier.  I cannot explain the hundreds of emotions exploding inside of me.  It was as if I had been separated from someone I deeply loved for years and now I would be reunited. 

When my eyes laid on the Kaabah, it was as if my heart stopped and everything in the world had frozen.  I couldn't hold back the tears.  Nothing can ever explain the feelings and thoughts when seeing the Kaabah.  Nothing can explain the sadness one feels when leaving it. 

Whatever the state may be of the area around, the beauty of the Kaabah can never be taken away.

It's been hard to keep up...

but I'm still going to try.  I feel like life moves at super speed sometimes, Subhanallah.  By the time I returned from Ethiopia, I had to start packing for Lebanon to visit my husband's extended family.  I really didn't have much time to post more about my Ethiopia trip as I would have liked.  I will have to back track later.

I'm feeling pretty good, Alhamdulillah.  It's funny how much du'a I made and how worried I was about my DH's new job, and now things are starting to fall into place, Subhanallah.  I remember learning this du'a, "Allahuma ujbur qalbee," which means Allah (swt) "fix" my heart.  In other words, it is a du'a you say when your heart is suffering from pain and you aren't content with something in your life.  I remember the halaqa teacher saying that this du'a will bring you a sense of relief and contentment if you truly hand over the matter to Allah (swt) and believe in it.  Subhanallah, I feel like some pressure has been lifted.  I have found a sense of contentment with my new life overseas and I am trying to keep an open mind to everything.  I'm realizing how hard it is to brush away negative thoughts.  The best thing that helps me is to consistently repeat "Audhubillahi minash shaytaan nirajeem." 

I have three major goals I want to try to work on this summer, Insha'Allah:

1. Continue studying and learnig spoken Arabic.
2. Finish memorization of Juz' Amma and review all the Surah's I have memorized.
3. Work out and tone my body.

Oh and other exciting news...I just finished a third round of interviews with a really cool online schooling program from an American company.  They have started online schools for K-12th grade.  Insha'Allah, whatever is for the best will happen.  Best part of the last interview was the woman who interviewed me was a muhajibah and convert American. 

Anyways...will update again soon, Insha'Allah.

Welcome to Addis Ababa - Part 1 of Ethiopia

Our drive to the hotel resulted in another world being opened up to me.  There were stray drogs strolling the streets with the people.  Little boys were bobbing up and down while riding their donkeys.  When we stopped at our first red light, a woman was holding a baby and asking for money.  Her neck looked like it had two tennis balls inside.  Her beautiful baby with a tiny bracelet around her wrist was turning her hand up and down, trained to ask for money.  I was looking out at the little shops boxed in by large sheets of metal painted all sorts of colors.  Men were carrying live sheeps and goats around their shoulders. 

We had just arrived in Addis Ababa, the capital city of Ethiopia.  I would have never guessed it was the capital city.  We drove by the "castles" of the president and prime minister.  It wasn't anything special.  They were closed in by fences and looked like neglected homes taken over by the forest surrounding it.  Guards holding AK47s could be seen in raised wooden platforms.  The only sign of their wealth and power was the large areas of land that were fenced in.

We gasped when we saw the Sheraton hotel we would be staying in.  It was truly a castle and I am sure the most beautiful building in the entire capital.  It was sticking its tongue out at the president's castle right across the street.  Later, we were to find out the castle was built for the an important Shaikh of Saudi Arabia.  We were not told exactly who, but he married an Ethiopian.  It explained the flag of Saudi Arabia located by the entrance of the hotel.

Our first day passed by quickly.  While we settled into the hotel, we looked out at our view of little shacks made up of the same metal sheets similar to the shops beside the main road.  They were lined up right against one another and surrounded by garbage.  Looking back into our rooms at our spacious room with excquisite furnishing, we were overwhelmed with guilt.

Family Life

Before my husband left for training, he brought something up that really bothered me.  Quick background:  He has a job at a number one consulting firm, Masha’Allah.  It requires that he travel four days out of the week.  They fly him back on the weekends.  Back to the problem:  He asked me if I would be okay with this kind of lifestyle when we have a family.  Umm my brain started screaming Hell no! and possibly some foul language.  He continued and said that he doesn’t want a 9-5 job that meant he’d be in a static position, unable to move up in his career.  He thinks if he stays with this company long term, he could move up considerably and be very successful. 

I sucked in some air and took a minute to maintain my composure.  I very calmly (I’m quite proud of myself) reminded him of a time last year when he came home from work extremely late and told me he wanted a job with a more balanced home life when we have children, Insha’Allah.  I reminded him of the many times he has shown his dislike of careers that require you to sacrifice your family just to make more money and be successful at something for the sake of this dunya alone.  His response was that I should think about it and we would discuss it again in the future when the time is closer.

See…we have a six year plan (Insha’Allah) and if Allah (swt) wants it can always change.  My husband plans to work for this company for two years, Insha’Allah.  After that, they will pay for his MBA on the condition that he will stay with them for another two years, Insha’Allah.  So that’s 2 years for his MBA and another 2 that he owes the company, Insha’Allah.

Here are my issues with all of this and you are more than welcome to give your input.  The purpose of this post is not to complain about my husband, but to get valuable insight from my fellow Muslims.

1.      While he is traveling, he works until late hours of the night and can’t even hold more than a 5 minute long conversation with me throughout the entire day.

2.      The weekends fly by because he is busy taking care of errands.  On top of that, when he does have any time to relax…he whips out his laptop to tell me he still has some work to do.

3.      Keep in mind numbers one and two…and I’m pretty much a single mom!

4.      My children will not have a strong and close relationship with their super busy father.

The only argument I could see that is plausible is that for a Muslim to advance in a large consulting firm would be a great accomplishment for other Muslims that follow.  The only thing is that I don’t see much of how his job benefits Islam.  Also, another concern is that he doesn’t have time for family, when will he have time to continue increasing his iman and Islamic knowledge.  I wouldn’t mind making so many sacrifices if I knew it was benefitting the Muslim ummah somehow. 

In addition, I’ve always valued family more than anything else.  I decided not to go to law school because I thought a career like that would get in the way with my responsibilities at home.  I would rather live in a simple manner just to have my entire family (including my husband) eat dinner together every night.  I always imagined this scenario.  The kids come home from school, do their homework, review Qur’an, etc.  By the time my husband gets home, dinner will be on the table and we sit as a family to eat together and talk.  I always imagined our evenings ending with an Islamic chat or some small family activity.  My husband and I tuck in our kids at night and then spend alone time relaxing together.  I know I can’t have everything…but I’d like to try to have at least that.

Sigh of Relief

Source:  http://gurumia.com/2010/04/15/a-lesson-from-islam-alhamdulillah/

On Wednesday, I got very ill and was vomitting throughout the day.  My stomach wasn't able to keep anything down.  Throughout the night I was tossing and turning from hunger, but still I was too nauseous to eat anything.  My head was also spinning from the lack of food.  On Thursday, I was well enough to start eating a little bit...still suffering from a massive headache.  Alhamdulillah, Friday...things started looking a lot better.

I've been staying with my husband's aunt and we're very lucky to have somewhere to stay while our residency paper work is being done, Alhamdulillah.  I'm truly grateful for it, but I am ready to leave.  My husband and I both agree that we can only take staying with family in small doses.  This summer we went to visit his uncle and we were ready to go after about three days.  I think it may be because they are very different from us.  Most of his family (and mine for that matter) isn't very religious and from a social perspective we have a hard time finding common ground.  For the most part...touring and eating out is good enough, but after that it gets a little difficult to find environments that make us comfortable and that make them comfortable.  For example...we can't sit in their living room with them when they have the television on.  They watch things that involve permiscuity, foul language, etc.  It's hard for us to sit there and enjoy the conversation with that in our faces.  We have tried, though, to invite them to the masjid and on Friday to read Suratul Kahf with their kids...but at the same time we don't want to be too pushy either.

Nonetheless, it's good to have family here, Alhamdulillah.  I'm realizing now how important it is to know someone in foreign countries to help you adjust.  It makes the biggest difference.  They really have helped us understand the dynamics of Dubai, the politics, and the nitty gritty that you can't find online or in tourist pamphlets. 

On another note, I've also come to love skype.  I've been chatting with my cousins back home more than I used to talk to them while I was there.  I also got to talk to my uncle's wife and kids who live in Jeddah, Saudia Arabia.  Back home...I barely ever got to speak to them.  I knew it existed, but I guess I never felt the need for it since I was surrounded by the most part by family and friends.  I've also come to another realization - the importance of staying in touch with everyone.  I know we are all busy with work, school, and children...but really that's not an excuse.  You never know what can happen and you regret later on that you didn't go to visit that person...you didn't call this person.  Every day I think of someone I should have called or visited before I left.  Alhamdulillah.  Lesson learned.  I will do everything now to try to stay in touch through e-mail, skype, phone, and other forms of communication.  Another thing to be so grateful of...the many different forms of communication, Alhamdulillah!

Anyways, my husband is leaving for Bahrain tomorrow.  He's still supposed to be in training this week, but they put him on a project about education in Bahrain.  It's pretty cool.  My field...so I'm excited to see what he has to work on.  He's going to be gone for the next three days.  I'm okay with it right now, Insha'Allah, I remain patient while he's gone.  It's going to be difficult because this job will require him to travel for four days of the week.  The cool thing is that his company is doing a retreat in May to Ethiopia and spouses are invited.  He also got permission to fly me to the locations that he will be staying long term, rather than them flying him back every weekend.  In ten months, he will be going to Austria and he wants to take me out there with him.  Insha'Allah, it'll be delightful!

I don't know if you've noticed...but I feel as if my style of speaking (or writing shall I say) is being influenced by the British.  His cousins (8-9 years old) go to an international school that uses British english.  We keep making fun of the way they talk (lovingly of course...we love British accents).  I'm beginning to pick it up without thinking now, too.  For example...they don't like when I say throwing up...it's too "vulgar" for them.  They'd rather I say vomitting.  Haha.

Anyways....I'm off for now!