Fear

Assalamu'alaikum,

In halaqa the other day, I learned about four types of fear, خوف.  The topic really made me look into myself, the way I think, and the way I behave.  What amazes me at times is how certain topics may not seem relative to us...but every little thing in Islam relates directly to our lives and personal experiences.  There is always a connection and a form of therapy for the challenges of this life.  Before I start, let me give you some background on the different types of fear.

• Al Khawf Al Fitri - الخوف الفطري
• The natural fear.  It is a form of fear that is normal and does not become excessive, such as fear of a snake that can poison you.  This type of fear is beneficial because it helps you protect yourself from dangers around you.
• Al Khawf Al Wajib - الخوف الواجب
• The obligatory fear.  The fear of Allah (swt), His punishment, the Last Day, etc. falls into this category.  It also serves as a form of protection from sinning and helps you seek refuge in Allah (swt).
• Al Khawf Al Shirki - الخوف الشركي
• The associating fear.  It is a form of fearing that brings you to committing a form of shirk, associating with Allah (swt).  It is the fear of someone or something that causes you to magnify that person or thing.  An example is a magician that you fear may harm you and you try to seek his/her pleasure.
• Al Khawf Al Muharram - الخوف المحرم
• The forbidden fear.  There is no question al khawf al shirki is forbidden, but al khawf al muharram is "forbidden" because of the ease of which a Muslim can fall into this predicament.
• It is the fear of someone or something will harm you like al khawf al shirki.  However, the difference is that you do not magnify that particular person or thing.  This form of fear causes you to leave an obligatory act or leads you to a sin.

During the halaqa, I began to think about some of the major fears that I have in regard to my life as a Muslim.  One of my major fears, ever since I moved overseas, is the disconnect between my husband and the masjid.  Subhanallah in America, there were daily programs and lectures for us to attend at the masjid together.  Alhamdulillah over here, I have found the halaqas, but aside from khutbah during Salatul Jummah, there isn't much for my husband.  This fear then makes me think of the stories of men who were so religious and then transformed and would commit acts of zinnah and fall into major sins.  Then, I think to myself...what about me?  What if I am the one that one day wakes up and decides I no longer want to be Muslim.  This type of fear is al khawf al wajib.  It is the fear that you may lose your deen and you may have as my halaqa teacher said in Arabic "a bad ending."  This is the fear that causes you to ask Allah (swt) to keep you and your loved ones on a straight path, to protect from the pressures of the dunya, etc.

But then, I began to think of all the things that could lead me to have al khawf al muharram, the forbidden fear.  The halaqa teacher gave us an example that is quite common amongst Muslim women.  She discussed how some women are afraid to where the hijab and find different reasons or "fears" to justify why they cannot wear it.  For some, it is that their husbands, parents, or other family members do not want them to, while for others it may be fear of what society may say, etc.  I'm not going to get into this topic...for me it brought up a different set of trials.

I began to think of worldly matters that I am afraid of.  The first one that has been on my mind constantly is not having children.  Every woman may have the natural fear (al khawf al fitri) before they have children, that they may not be able to.  I know I have talked about it with  many of my friends who have thought about that at least once.  Sometimes, my worries lead to what ifs...such as what if I can't have children and my husband decides to get re-married, etc.  Other fears that came to my mind include the fear of divorce, the fear of becoming depressed with things that don't go your way, etc.  What makes these fears become forbidden fears?  I begin to become suspicious.  I start fights with my husband.  I make issues out of nothing.  I get angry and upset.

When I truly look at the source of these fears, I realize they come from television shows, movies, gossip, news, etc.  I began to think it is so easy for a person to fall into this trap...this form of fear.  I remember when I got married, everyone was so happy about how religious he was, Alhamdulillah.  But..I remember a family member of mine around 20 that is very suspicious of all things "religious" came up to me and asked me...how I knew I could trust my husband...that he didn't flirt...that he wouldn't cheat on me one day.  Subhanallah, this is what society teaches us...that this is what all men do...and how all men behave, etc.

The more I began to think about fear...the more I realized how society is constantly living in fear of worldly matters.  What makes a Muslim different is that we put our worldly affairs in the hands of Allah (swt).  It is so easy to make that statement and much more difficult to actually live by it.  So what I do to stop these fears from bringing me down?

1. Constantly make du'a and ask for Allah (swt)'s help.
2. Remind myself to put my trust and faith in Allah (swt).
3. Think about all the times I was worried and Allah (swt) eased those situations.
4. Be grateful.

I have been making a lot of progress lately.  Every time I get into an argument and Shaitaan wants me to think the worst of my husband, I begin to seek refuge in Allah (swt) and I trust that our affairs will be mended.  I have to constantly convince myself that Allah (swt) will take care of it.  It is a battle with my conscious that goes on all the time.  It is a battle that I will fight to the end, Insha'Allah.