Before my husband left for training, he brought something up that really bothered me. Quick background: He has a job at a number one consulting firm, Masha’Allah. It requires that he travel four days out of the week. They fly him back on the weekends. Back to the problem: He asked me if I would be okay with this kind of lifestyle when we have a family. Umm my brain started screaming Hell no! and possibly some foul language. He continued and said that he doesn’t want a 9-5 job that meant he’d be in a static position, unable to move up in his career. He thinks if he stays with this company long term, he could move up considerably and be very successful.
I sucked in some air and took a minute to maintain my composure. I very calmly (I’m quite proud of myself) reminded him of a time last year when he came home from work extremely late and told me he wanted a job with a more balanced home life when we have children, Insha’Allah. I reminded him of the many times he has shown his dislike of careers that require you to sacrifice your family just to make more money and be successful at something for the sake of this dunya alone. His response was that I should think about it and we would discuss it again in the future when the time is closer.
See…we have a six year plan (Insha’Allah) and if Allah (swt) wants it can always change. My husband plans to work for this company for two years, Insha’Allah. After that, they will pay for his MBA on the condition that he will stay with them for another two years, Insha’Allah. So that’s 2 years for his MBA and another 2 that he owes the company, Insha’Allah.
Here are my issues with all of this and you are more than welcome to give your input. The purpose of this post is not to complain about my husband, but to get valuable insight from my fellow Muslims.
1. While he is traveling, he works until late hours of the night and can’t even hold more than a 5 minute long conversation with me throughout the entire day.
2. The weekends fly by because he is busy taking care of errands. On top of that, when he does have any time to relax…he whips out his laptop to tell me he still has some work to do.
3. Keep in mind numbers one and two…and I’m pretty much a single mom!
4. My children will not have a strong and close relationship with their super busy father.
The only argument I could see that is plausible is that for a Muslim to advance in a large consulting firm would be a great accomplishment for other Muslims that follow. The only thing is that I don’t see much of how his job benefits Islam. Also, another concern is that he doesn’t have time for family, when will he have time to continue increasing his iman and Islamic knowledge. I wouldn’t mind making so many sacrifices if I knew it was benefitting the Muslim ummah somehow.
In addition, I’ve always valued family more than anything else. I decided not to go to law school because I thought a career like that would get in the way with my responsibilities at home. I would rather live in a simple manner just to have my entire family (including my husband) eat dinner together every night. I always imagined this scenario. The kids come home from school, do their homework, review Qur’an, etc. By the time my husband gets home, dinner will be on the table and we sit as a family to eat together and talk. I always imagined our evenings ending with an Islamic chat or some small family activity. My husband and I tuck in our kids at night and then spend alone time relaxing together. I know I can’t have everything…but I’d like to try to have at least that.
Assalaam Alaikum Sabirah,
ReplyDeleteI can safely say if I were in your position, after having weighed both the pros & cons of the situation, I would feel the same way.
Having a secure job in which there's upward mobility is both desirous from a monetary standpoint, and in setting an example for fellow Muslims, but I don't believe it's worth sacrificing time with one's family. MashaAllah, my father is blessed to be working in an excellent position with a reputable company, but he often remarks about how he wished he would have spent more time with our family while my brother and I were growing up rather than devote so much of that precious time to his job. This is not to say that he wasn't present, because Alhumdulillah he was, but not as much as we would have wished. Lol, now he's all about our family, mA, and everyone appreciates that so much more! On top of that, in being able to better himself as a Muslim and gain life lessons in spending time with family, he's only advanced in his career, MashaAllah.
I think you should ask your husband to really consider the amount of family/deen time he would be sacrificing if he took the route you described. And we all need to be reminded from time to time that this dunya is temporary, and we should be focusing our efforts in how we can use our time on earth to secure our places in Jannah, Insha'Allah.
Sara - I thought I was being selfish for asking him to give up his career, but your input makes me feel more confident. Thanks for including your personal experience in there. Yeh, I will def. be doing that, Insha'Allah.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sara. Funny thing is I am in the position of your husband and I never realized how much I was away from home and doing work at home until I took maternity leave.
ReplyDeleteIt damages the family in ways that can be irrepairable (is that a word?), and it causes rifts in my marriage. I used to think, heck I educated myself, I need to work to ensure I use that education, but really family comes first, and my kids are growing up so fast.
It's hard for a husband to feel that he is making his family more secure...men have a hard time feeling good about their success, can we blame them? On the other hand, I have worked with enough companies and so has my hubby that we have to be honest, it's hard to practice Islam in many of these companies. Some places they get annoyed if you pray. Others they expect you to mix in a way that is not right, or be around behaviour which is haram. That alone can answer the question about our commitment to Islam or a specific job.
BUT, don't ask him to give up this or that. Put him in a position where he chooses to do the "right" thing.
*sorry for long comment*
Good luck sis.