Assalamu'alaikum,
I've been feeling kind of down. As strong as I try to be, it's so hard to get over some of the things that hurt you in your life, especially when they are repeatedly thrown in your face. Last night, my husband was video chatting with his family. Since we have been here, his mother has not returned any of our calls nor the numerous amounts of e-mails we have sent. In fact, we know for sure she would ignore our calls. Nonetheless, he finally got his sister to have his mother make a 30 second appearance on the video chat. In order to soften her up, he tried sending her a gift, as well.
I hate how the thought of her just makes me want to cry all the time. I feel so suffocated by his family. I thought our move to Dubai would be beneficial for us to become independent of them. I had been hurt and disrespected enough. I thought I had my fair share of it for three years, and this distance may make things easier (at least for my sake). In a previous post I may have mentioned his aunt lives in Dubai. Well, the night before we were leaving to Bahrain, she pretty much told him she knew that his mother dislikes me a lot. She didn't say anything directly, but he told me she kept making analogies that were obvious references to it. It really bothered me a lot and I found it out of line. I already feel his aunt thinks that I am unworthy of him because I am Pakistani. She has made indirect remarks about it. Now, I feel like I can't get away from these ignorant people and they make me feel so self-conscious.
My mood kind of went further downhill when my husband was supposed to meet me for iftar today. He e-mailed me and told me he had to cancel because of a meeting, but to eat something light and we'll catch dinner. Right before he went to his last meeting, he e-mailed me to tell me that one of the partners at the firm wants the team to go out to dinner. I could have asked him to say he already made plans, but this is a new job and I know he needs to get in tight with the partner. I had to make similar sacrifices at his last job and they were quite worthwhile since the partner loved him.
Alhamdulillah. I just make du'a that these sacrifices I'm making are worthwhile in the end. I miss my family, my friends, the perfect job I had to give up, and America in its entirety. I pray these two years go by as fast as they can, Insha'Allah.
I've been feeling kind of down. As strong as I try to be, it's so hard to get over some of the things that hurt you in your life, especially when they are repeatedly thrown in your face. Last night, my husband was video chatting with his family. Since we have been here, his mother has not returned any of our calls nor the numerous amounts of e-mails we have sent. In fact, we know for sure she would ignore our calls. Nonetheless, he finally got his sister to have his mother make a 30 second appearance on the video chat. In order to soften her up, he tried sending her a gift, as well.
I hate how the thought of her just makes me want to cry all the time. I feel so suffocated by his family. I thought our move to Dubai would be beneficial for us to become independent of them. I had been hurt and disrespected enough. I thought I had my fair share of it for three years, and this distance may make things easier (at least for my sake). In a previous post I may have mentioned his aunt lives in Dubai. Well, the night before we were leaving to Bahrain, she pretty much told him she knew that his mother dislikes me a lot. She didn't say anything directly, but he told me she kept making analogies that were obvious references to it. It really bothered me a lot and I found it out of line. I already feel his aunt thinks that I am unworthy of him because I am Pakistani. She has made indirect remarks about it. Now, I feel like I can't get away from these ignorant people and they make me feel so self-conscious.
My mood kind of went further downhill when my husband was supposed to meet me for iftar today. He e-mailed me and told me he had to cancel because of a meeting, but to eat something light and we'll catch dinner. Right before he went to his last meeting, he e-mailed me to tell me that one of the partners at the firm wants the team to go out to dinner. I could have asked him to say he already made plans, but this is a new job and I know he needs to get in tight with the partner. I had to make similar sacrifices at his last job and they were quite worthwhile since the partner loved him.
Alhamdulillah. I just make du'a that these sacrifices I'm making are worthwhile in the end. I miss my family, my friends, the perfect job I had to give up, and America in its entirety. I pray these two years go by as fast as they can, Insha'Allah.
Assalaam Alaikum sister Sabirah,
ReplyDeleteInsha'Allah, the sacrifices will pay off. I know it seems hard, and of course not being in your position I don't know what you're going through, but you should know (as I'm sure you do) that Allah subhanhu wa ta'ala does not bestow upon a soul a burden greater than it can bear. Stay strong and keep your chin up. Difficult times are a test from Allah, and it is best for us to remain patient and persevere.
I pray for Allah to make your circumstances easier, and place peace and serenity in your heart, Ameen.
Sister I am so sorry you have to deal with mistreatment from his mother. The only thing you need to be is respecful and if thats not good enough for people then that is their loss. Don't tear yourself up for others. To me I liken the behaviour to a child.
ReplyDeleteIf you feel like you are sacrificing a lot for your husband, do what you can but still speak out for yourself. Men do not often notice the things that we give up for them, so if you need him to spend time with you, voice it or you will go crazy. Trust me, it happened to me :(
Alhumdulillah for the power of Allah on down days like this! It cannot be easy Im sure being at the hands of in laws who dislike but you need to remember that as long as your respect them, you don't really owe them much more than that. It is your husband's blessings and happiness that you seek. He loves you, He chose you, He respects you. Put your energy into that. Perhaps you'll feel like you're to blame but dont - no need.
ReplyDeleteSara - Thank you so much for the reminder. I always tell myself that. I just feel sometimes I need to share what I'm feeling with someone. That's actually why I started blogging. This topic is too difficult of a discussion with my husband. His mother causes him a lot of pain and I know what he suffers from her treatment is worse than what I suffer. It's great to have someone hear what you're going through and be a reminder for one another.
ReplyDeleteUmm Sou Sou & Blue Pearl - Thank you for the advice. You are right. I just have to be respectful...which I always am. Sometimes I tell myself to go above and beyond...try harder...Insha'Allah...Allah (swt) will reward you for that. But there's only so much more I can do. I will take the be respectful and kind route and hold no expectations in return. That's much easier said than done...but I will try.