Mind-Wandering

Idleness warps the mind.  – Henry Ford

Recently, actually starting just today, I have been reading news articles.  I used to read the news a lot more in the past, but college, work, and marriage took a lot of that free time away from me…or so I thought. 

Today, I read a piece called “Findings: When the Mind Wanders, Happiness Also Strays” by John Tierney in the New York Times.  Basically, studies from some folks at Harvard have shown that when we allow ourselves to get lost in our thoughts it results in unhappiness.  We tend to wander towards thoughts that are negative and unhappy in nature.  We begin to think about our problems and difficulties.  The solution, according to the study, is to remain focused on activities that keep you from day dreaming.

I am grateful that I do not have incredibly serious issues in my life, Alhamdulillah.  However, the biggest issue I have is with my in-laws.  Most couples tend to have some in-law issues.  The intensity of those problems varies and may change over time.  My issues are not on the extreme side, nor do I consider them on the not so bad side.  I’d like to compare them to a cold sore.  They are painful, difficult to get rid of, and always in the way.  Most of all, they make you look and feel horrible.  I am not talking about my in-laws.  I am talking about my issues with them.

Without getting into any more details, I have been aware of a serious issue of how my mind wanders.  Every time my mind wanders it ALWAYS wanders to them.  Can you say obsessed?  I begin to list every wrong they have ever done to me, every negative comment they have made, and so on.  The resentment is only comparable to a tsunami hitting me repeatedly at full force.  This must be the only issue that really brings me down and when I get those few minutes to daydream, it’s the nightmare of his family that invades my brain.  I know, it’s a test from Allah (swt), but I need to figure out how to keep being patient.  I feel like an addict that has been sober, but now is on the brink of exploding and using again.

Now, the solution, I think I need to figure out how to keep myself busy in those few minutes.  See, this is the problem.  A Muslim should be in constant remembrance of Allah (swt) right?  But, the article says that prayers and meditation are on the lower end of activities that stop you from mind-wandering.  What does this mean for me?  Who is making my mind wander?  Shaitan, of course!   This is exactly what he wants.  When I am making dhikr, it is Shaitan that is working on me full force to make sure that it becomes remote remembrance and he reminds me of my in-laws!  Can I always blame Shaitan, though?  No, it is also the evil inside of me that I am fighting to keep locked in a box.

Last night, I almost let these petty issues ruin my entire marriage.  Alhamdulillah, before it all fell apart, things were salvaged, but I’m feeling the after effects now.  Subhanallah, this article brought me some kind of relief.  It has made me cognizant of the issue.  I cannot let my mind wander.  If I try to do something and I begin to let my mind wander, go to the next thing.  For example…I start by listening to the radio…after a few minutes I wander…ZAP…think about mind-wandering….after a few minutes I wander….start making dhikr…after a few minutes I wander…ZAP…start making du’a…and so on.  HA!  I got the answer, now!  Insha’Allah.  This may be the first step in getting over my in-law obsession.